rec.humor@googlegroups.com

Today's topics:

* Euro English - 1 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/4d79a05fc64db7fe?hl=en
* Live Like a Cat Day - 2 messages, 2 authors
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/fb81a5860f972a82?hl=en
* MI5 Persecution: BHS Croydon 18/12/98 (2538) - 1 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/22a873cd62be64b0?hl=en

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TOPIC: Euro English
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/4d79a05fc64db7fe?hl=en
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== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Fri, Nov 16 2007 10:33 pm
From: **Rowland Croucher**

(Most of you have seen this, so I'm posting it for the honest
non-braggards who'll admit to ignorance about this important
trend/subject :-)

****

The European Commission has just announced that English will be the
official language of the European Union. German, which was the other
possibility, narrowly missed out.

During negotiations, the British Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and accepted a 5- year phase-in
plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly this will
make sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have
one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond
year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make
words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag
is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer pepl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with
"z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining
"ou" and after zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und after zis fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German; lik zey vunted in
ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Hav a nis lif,
--
Shalom/Salaam/Pax! Rowland Croucher

http://jmm.aaa.net.au/

(20,000 articles 4000 humor)

Blogs - http://rowlandsblogs.blogspot.com/

Justice for Dawn Rowan - http://dawnrowansaga.blogspot.com/

Funny Jokes and Pics - http://funnyjokesnpics.blogspot.com/

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TOPIC: Live Like a Cat Day
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/fb81a5860f972a82?hl=en
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== 1 of 2 ==
Date: Fri, Nov 16 2007 11:26 pm
From: manateemedia@gmail.com

Please mark your calendars and mentally prepare for Live Like a Cat
Day this January 12, 2008 where you can RELAX...and live like a cat
all day long! Check it out...

http://www.LiveLikeaCatDay.com

== 2 of 2 ==
Date: Fri, Nov 16 2007 11:47 pm
From: funzy

On Nov 17, 2:26 am, manateeme...@gmail.com wrote:
> Please mark your calendars and mentally prepare for Live Like a Cat
> Day this January 12, 2008 where you can RELAX...and live like a cat
> all day long! Check it out...
>
> http://www.LiveLikeaCatDay.com

Crazy Cats
http://www.gentlemenshumor.com/crazycats.html

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TOPIC: MI5 Persecution: BHS Croydon 18/12/98 (2538)
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/22a873cd62be64b0?hl=en
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== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Fri, Nov 16 2007 7:44 pm
From: MI5Victim@mi5.gov.uk

Evil old bat in BHS 18/12/98

Certainty level: 40%

Not quite sure how sure I am about this one. I went down to Croydon (Surrey)
with my mother to buy her a beret. After doing the shopping, we went to
the BHS store restaurant to lunch on fish and chips.

You can guess the rest. Auditory hallucinations my shrink calls them,
faithfully recorded on Sony minidisc. Some old cow going on about
"see that chap, the one over there, something's wrong with him".

It is quite tiring being attacked by random idiots in the street, or as
in this case, by some random, evil old bat in a restaurant. Fortunately
it is only a sporadic occurrence. My enemies seem of late reluctant to
waste resources in my direction. Should I take this as an insult? Am I not
worth the millions of taxpayers money which has been wasted on me? Are the
obsessives of MI5 themselves the "nutters" and "really mad" which they
accuse me of being? Interestingly this suggestion as to the psychological
profiles of Security Service personnel has been made by others... it does
lead one to wonder, doesn't it?

2538

--
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