25 new messages in 8 topics - digest

rec.humor
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Today's topics:

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TOPIC: The Doctor's Funeral
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/abd7a8a74ba24ea4?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 5:22 am
From: Neo

>>From http://cheekky.blogspot.com, http://e-fun.blogspot.com

A funeral was held for a cardiologist. At the parlor, a big heart was
in
front of the casket.

At the end of the eulogies, the big heart open up and swallowed the
casket.

A person sitting in the back began to laugh. Everyone turned around to
look at him. "Well," he said, "I was just wondering what it would be
like at my funeral. I am a gynecologist."

That's when the proctologist fainted.

Cheers!!!
For more fun, http://cheekky.blogspot.com, http://e-fun.blogspot.com

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Girls' Night Out...
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/4744604caa95b125?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 5:27 am
From: Neo

>>From http://cheekky.blogspot.com, http://e-fun.blogspot.com

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married....

The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls." I told
my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up
and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably
wake
up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for
coming
up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible
conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9
cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him
"MIDNIGHT"... he didn't seem mad in the least. Whew, I got away with
that one!

Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said 'Oh! crap' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more,
and
then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

Cheers!!!
For more fun, http://cheekky.blogspot.com, http://e-fun.blogspot.com

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Scottish Dentist
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2816be6690c592af?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 9 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 7:11 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:qqaij3t9u54ptg0u32v5t8mgv0u3b4cj38@4ax.com...
> On Mon, 12 Nov 2007 21:17:01 GMT, "Bill Colmers"
> <sambomambo@nowhere.com> wrote:
>
>>> I was going to make some aioli last time we had artichokes, but couldn't
>>> find any olive oil that wasn't virgin.
>>
>>Q: Where do they get extra-virgin olive oil?
>>A: From extra-ugly olives.
>
> Like the one in Popeye?

An ugly olive in Popeye ?
Larry, it doesn't work that way.

== 2 of 9 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 7:12 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:graij3hnks3m2jc5gudc0db9oahh5389ml@4ax.com...
> On Mon, 12 Nov 2007 11:21:38 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
> wrote:
>
>>>>>>> <Larry gags at the thought>
>>>>>>Really difficult for ya to think, huh.
>>>>> About Brussels sprouts, yes.
>>>>What brussel sprouts ?
>>>
>>> Exactly!
>>
>>There aren't any here, so why ya tryin' to think about them ?
>
> Exactly how are you sure that Elisabeth isn't in Brussels spouting
> off?

How is anybody sure about anything ?

== 3 of 9 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 7:13 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:6taij3ltm35k4l9195j62b50fr5c47ooas@4ax.com...
> On Mon, 12 Nov 2007 11:23:19 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
> wrote:
>
>>>>>>>>See why I say your opinions don't count.
>>>>>>> There's a reason that I don't number them, Mos.
>>>>>>Because one is the loneliest number.
>>>>> No, because they all fight to be number 1. I can't afford to show any
>>>>> favoritism.
>>>>So you don't care who you vote for.
>>>
>>> I can't answer that if my opinions don't count.
>>
>>Exactly.
>
> But I will anyhow.

How can you if you can't ?

== 4 of 9 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 8:39 am
From: "Greg Evans"

MosNot wrote:

> How is anybody sure about anything ?

Ask someone like Ann Coulter or Rush Limbaugh how they manage it.

== 5 of 9 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 8:37 am
From: "Bill Colmers"

"Larry Krzewinski"
>
> Like the one in Popeye?

Heh! Shelly Duvall's career as a film actress has always puzzled me greatly!

Bill

== 6 of 9 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 8:54 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Bill Colmers wrote:

> Heh! Shelly Duvall's career as a film actress has always puzzled
> me greatly!

Indeed...as they say, there's a fine line between genius and madness.

== 7 of 9 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 10:22 am
From: "MosNot"

"Greg Evans" <fake@bogus.com> wrote in message
news:5pu26uFs788pU1@mid.individual.net...
> MosNot wrote:
>
>> How is anybody sure about anything ?
>
> Ask someone like Ann Coulter or Rush Limbaugh how they manage it.

Oh, so now you're gonna start telling me what to do.

== 8 of 9 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 10:24 am
From: "MosNot"

"Bill Colmers" <sambomambo@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:fhcjs5$ftl$1@tabloid.srv.ualberta.ca...
>
> "Larry Krzewinski"
>>
>> Like the one in Popeye?
>
> Heh! Shelly Duvall's career as a film actress has always puzzled me
> greatly!

Career ?

== 9 of 9 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 10:25 am
From: "MosNot"

"Greg Evans" <fake@bogus.com> wrote in message
news:5pu331Ft7a98U1@mid.individual.net...
> Bill Colmers wrote:
>
>> Heh! Shelly Duvall's career as a film actress has always puzzled
>> me greatly!
>
> Indeed...as they say, there's a fine line between genius and madness.

Must be sane idiots that say that.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Two days
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/be16f8b4c2a63696?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 7:13 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:noaij3107dmrk1vt7c34f60uemb4r376er@4ax.com...
> On Mon, 12 Nov 2007 11:25:08 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
> wrote:
>
>>>>>>>>>>> Be careful with your body parts. Somebody might have use of them
>>>>>>>>>>> later.
>>>>>>>>>>That would be him.
>>>>>>>>> Mos finally admits that I am somebody!
>>>>>>>>Him is not a name.
>>>>>>> But him me!
>>>>>>Then who is you ?
>>>>> Me you, too.
>>>>Then, you're not him, now.
>>> Him you me, too.
>>Not my kink.
>
> Him no me kink.

Can't say I blame him.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Stupid Mistake
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/6d770b0b3fcbb8e8?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 5 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 7:15 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:pjaij3pvi3fkf5gophu0q2bpf5gch1te0c@4ax.com...
> On Mon, 12 Nov 2007 11:19:03 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
> wrote:
>
>>>>>>>> You know what they call people who willingly give it
>>>>>>>> away for free...
>>>>>>> Happily single.
>>>>>> The answer I was looking for is "poor".
>>>>> You want to be happily poor ?
>>>>"Happy" will suffice.
>>>
>>> To dream the impossible dream...
>>
>>Speaking of which.....how's your luck
>>with Summer, Elisabeth, or Peachy ?
>
> Well, they all are still talking to me.

That would be noisy.

== 2 of 5 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 8:41 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> He'll deny ever drinking a Budweiser, but if he hasn't, how can
> he claim to be Bud Wiser?

I got wise after my very first sip, lo those many years ago.

== 3 of 5 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 9:26 am
From: "ynotssor"

In news:5pu298Fsut83U1@mid.individual.net,
Greg Evans <fake@bogus.com> wrote:

>> He'll deny ever drinking a Budweiser, but if he hasn't, how can
>> he claim to be Bud Wiser?
>
> I got wise after my very first sip, lo those many years ago.

Ah, your parents used it to wean you from breast feeding?

== 4 of 5 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 9:42 am
From: "Greg Evans"

ynotssor wrote:

>>> He'll deny ever drinking a Budweiser, but if he hasn't, how
>>> can he claim to be Bud Wiser?
>> I got wise after my very first sip, lo those many years ago.
>
> Ah, your parents used it to wean you from breast feeding?

No, I used it to wean myself from a social group that didn't know the
difference between good beer and bad yeast-piss.

Greg
and I ended up here, speaking of leaping from the frying pan into the
fire

== 5 of 5 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 10:18 am
From: "ynotssor"

In news:5pu5rgFs1niaU1@mid.individual.net,
Greg Evans <fake@bogus.com> wrote:

>>>> He'll deny ever drinking a Budweiser, but if he hasn't, how
>>>> can he claim to be Bud Wiser?
>>> I got wise after my very first sip, lo those many years ago.
>>
>> Ah, your parents used it to wean you from breast feeding?
> ...
> and I ended up here, speaking of leaping from the frying pan into the
> fire

Mmmmmm ... fried Budweiser.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Fatties
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/1685f288b7f3080e?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 2 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 7:49 am
From: "Harry"

> ... if worn
... out.

== 2 of 2 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 10:21 am
From: "MosNot"

Spa

Foon

==============================================================================
TOPIC: lost opportunity regained?
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/8d4300ee33cbd5c8?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 5 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 8:30 am
From: "ynotssor"

In news:cgaij3d88fjsu9lqsq43vi4scql2b76kgm@4ax.com,
Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote:

Good idea ... I'll wait 'til the Pope Mobile stops at a traffic light, then
run up to wash the windows, and when he rolls down the window to present his
ring to catch herpes simplex from the last person who kissed it, I'll ask
him!

== 2 of 5 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 8:39 am
From: "Greg Evans"

ynotssor wrote:

> The last time the Roman Catholic pontiff visited I missed the
> opportunity to buy some Pope-on-a-Rope Soap. Next year we'll all
> have another chance, and I'll buy a pallet of it at Costco if I can
> sneak in on someone else's membership.

Personally, I really couldn't get too gung-ho for the idea of the Pope
bein' all up in my unmentionables every time I took a shower.

Greg
and hey - watch where you're sticking that mitre

== 3 of 5 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 9:29 am
From: "ynotssor"

In news:5pu25fFspc5mU1@mid.individual.net,
Greg Evans <fake@bogus.com> wrote:

>> The last time the Roman Catholic pontiff visited I missed the
>> opportunity to buy some Pope-on-a-Rope Soap. Next year we'll all
>> have another chance, and I'll buy a pallet of it at Costco if I can
>> sneak in on someone else's membership.
>
> Personally, I really couldn't get too gung-ho for the idea of the Pope
> bein' all up in my unmentionables every time I took a shower.
> and hey - watch where you're sticking that mitre

"They" say it only takes one usage for it to look like Manu Tiki Tia.

== 4 of 5 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 9:38 am
From: "Greg Evans"

ynotssor wrote:

>>> [Pope-on-a-Rope Soap]
>> Personally, I really couldn't get too gung-ho for the idea of the
>> Pope bein' all up in my unmentionables every time I took a shower.
>> and hey - watch where you're sticking that mitre
>
> "They" say it only takes one usage for it to look like Manu Tiki
> Tia.

And do "they" consider that some sort of improvement?

== 5 of 5 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 10:16 am
From: "ynotssor"

In news:5pu5lfFt3nsmU1@mid.individual.net,
Greg Evans <fake@bogus.com> wrote:

>>>> [Pope-on-a-Rope Soap]
>>> Personally, I really couldn't get too gung-ho for the idea of the
>>> Pope bein' all up in my unmentionables every time I took a shower.
>>> and hey - watch where you're sticking that mitre
>>
>> "They" say it only takes one usage for it to look like Manu Tiki
>> Tia.
>
> And do "they" consider that some sort of improvement?

It's just a different religion.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Remembrance Day Puns
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/fd82e95b34656b49?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 13 2007 8:57 am
From: "Hugh Brodie"

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:4738930B.6C017283@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
>> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
>> news:4229697D.32EF457D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>> >
>> > Cape Verde: Nation of green cloaks.
>> >
>> > Denmark: Nation of bedrooms full of German currency.
>> >
>> > Egypt: Nation of Internet scams.
>> >
>> > Greece: A fat nation.
>> >
>> > Turkey: Country of food birds.
>>
>> Saint Lucia: Island where everythiong falls to bits.
>
> Lesbo: Island of female homosexual neck decorations.

Seychelles: what she sells by the seashore.

New Guinea: 1) resurrection of an old unit of British currency.
2) newborn furry rodent.

Haiti: beverage made from dried grass.

==============================================================================

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Posted by NrSD, Selasa, 13 November 2007 10.26

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