rec.humor@googlegroups.com

Today's topics:

* surrender - 4 messages, 2 authors
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/c802089baaf3b7ea?hl=en
* Chinese food - 19 messages, 4 authors
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2450e65bb085dfcf?hl=en
* Scottish Dentist - 2 messages, 2 authors
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2816be6690c592af?hl=en

==============================================================================
TOPIC: surrender
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/c802089baaf3b7ea?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 4 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:45 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 07:59:59 -0500, "Greg Evans"
<gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:

>> Sorry, had to do it. My Bwahaha was expiring tomorrow.
>
>Sounds to me like it already has.

I just got it. They had a fire sale at atj.

== 2 of 4 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:46 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 09:33:54 -0700, "Bill Colmers"
<sambomambo@nowhere.com> wrote:

>>>Starboard, now is that right or left? I always forget.
>>
>> The words port and left both have four letters and that's an easy way
>> to remember the difference between port and starboard.
>
>Starboard = Steuerbord, Port = Backbord
>
>Barnacle Bill der Matrose

I think perhaps you've had too much port.

== 3 of 4 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:10 pm
From: "ynotssor"

In news:6f99k35243fatb5tk9sv2g60aif7mrl1rn@4ax.com,
Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote:

>>> Ride? That Yugo is a collectable.
>>
>> As opposed to being usable transportation, yes.
>
> You can use it as transportation if it's being towed to your
> destination.

The trouble is the 2 other cars stacked on top of it.

== 4 of 4 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:13 pm
From: "ynotssor"

In news:jh87k3tknhrqcuunmlj6rlasmesa5del68@4ax.com,
Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote:

>> Starboard, now is that right or left? I always forget.
>
> The words port and left both have four letters and that's an easy way
> to remember the difference between port and starboard.

Also, port wine is red, as are the port lights on aircraft and boats.
Starboard wine is only served on St. Patrick's Day.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Chinese food
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2450e65bb085dfcf?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:47 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:04:40 GMT, peachy ashie passion
<exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:

>>>>I do have mirrors, you know.
>>>
>>>And you should thank Summer for them.
>>
>> Why? The ones she gives away are so tiny. I need full length
>> mirrors.
>
> dude! She's given you enough to make a full length mirror for the
>Jolly Green Giant!!

Do you think I'm rolling in super glue?

== 2 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:49 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 03:06:06 -0700, "SummersFrenzy"
<icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote:

>>>> I do have mirrors, you know.
>>>
>>>Then quit asking for 'em!
>>
>> I'd like to go on record and state that I have never ever asked for a
>> mirror here in rec.humor. If you want to give them to me, then that's
>> your business.
>
>That's probably one of the sadder uses of Rule#1

There are no sad uses of Rule #1. Rule #1 is cause for rejoicing
throughout the land*.

*Not valid in Utah.

== 3 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:50 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 19:55:37 GMT, peachy ashie passion
<exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:

>> I do have mirrors, you know.
>
> We've certainly seen Summer give you enough of them!

Can I help it if she's generous towards me?

== 4 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:51 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:35:36 -0500, "Greg Evans"
<gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:

>>> I figured California McDonalds has home delivery.
>>
>> No, not yet. That would be the answer to the majority
>> of my prayers, though.
>
>The rest no doubt having to do with a blind 20-year-old nymphomaniac in a
>bikini...

She wouldn't need a bikini.

== 5 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:51 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:06:04 GMT, peachy ashie passion
<exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:

>>>>I figured California McDonalds has home delivery.
>>>
>>>No, not yet. That would be the answer to the majority
>>>of my prayers, though.
>>
>> The rest no doubt having to do with a blind 20-year-old nymphomaniac in a
>> bikini...
>
> I think you mean OUT of a bikini

See, Greg, Peachy knows me better than you do.

== 6 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:52 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:04:34 -0500, "Greg Evans"
<gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:

>>>>> "Strenuous exercise", for Larry, means having to get up
>>>>> off the couch to get another beer from the fridge.
>>>> Sure it's not having to lift a filet o fish sammich to his
>>>> mouth ?
>>> Shoot, that requires a major expedition - he has to actually
>>> *walk out of his house* to get to his car, then drive it to
>>> McDonalds to get the food!
>>
>> It ain't easy getting those keys in the ignition.
>
>Especially after all those beers.

No, after eating all those Filet O Fish sandwiches I can no longer fit
in my car.

== 7 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:53 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:02:13 -0500, "Greg Evans"
<gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:

>>> "Strenuous exercise", for Larry, means having to get up off
>>> the couch to get another beer from the fridge.
>>
>> I hate doing that! That was the primary reason I got married.
>
>"Get me a beer before it starts."

Exactly!

== 8 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:53 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:45:23 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
wrote:

>>>>>> There is no snow on my belly button!
>>>>>
>>>>> There is no lint on Mt. Baldy, either.
>>>>
>>>> HA! When was the last time you were on MT. Baldy?
>>>
>>>2-1/2 years ago, but some may have drifted in since.
>>
>> With our lack of snow here, they have been **lint skiing** on MT Baldy
>> ever since your last visit.
>
>....so, your belly button finally overflowed....

Not yet. It's getting close, though.

== 9 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:54 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:41:55 -0800, "ynotssor" <ynotssor@example.org>
wrote:

>>>>>> There is no snow on my belly button!
>>>>> There is no lint on Mt. Baldy, either.
>>>> HA! When was the last time you were on MT. Baldy?
>>>
>>> 2-1/2 years ago, but some may have drifted in since.
>>
>> With our lack of snow here, they have been lint skiing on MT Baldy
>> ever since your last visit.
>
>That's not lint, that's ash.

You can really haul ash on that lint!

== 10 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:54 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:06:54 -0500, "Greg Evans"
<gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:

>> How many marching bands waltz?
>
>Marching and waltzing don't mix, unless the marchers each have three legs.

Exactly! Besides, the bands would then be called dancing bands
instead of marching bands.

== 11 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:57 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:43:11 -0800, "ynotssor" <ynotssor@example.org>
wrote:

>>>>> Stay out of the path of the ooom-pah-pah.
>>>>
>>>> I think the tuba player has it in for me.
>>>
>>> You'll be surprised to find it's a Sousaphone -- tubas are played
>>> while sitting, and it took ol' J.P. to reconstruct it into a horn
>>> that could be played in a marching band.
>>
>> How many marching bands waltz?
>
>At the DeutchesFest Parade, all of 'em.

How drunk are they before they start the parade?

== 12 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:08 pm
From: "ynotssor"

In news:c7a9k3516c4ki8ksqiv9uorc32e8p5i5lk@4ax.com,
Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote:

>>>>>>> There is no snow on my belly button!
>>>>>> There is no lint on Mt. Baldy, either.
>>>>> HA! When was the last time you were on MT. Baldy?
>>>> 2-1/2 years ago, but some may have drifted in since.
>>> With our lack of snow here, they have been lint skiing on MT Baldy
>>> ever since your last visit.
>>
>> That's not lint, that's ash.
>
> You can really haul ash on that lint!

That was probably Sonny Bono's Cause of Death.

== 13 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:09 pm
From: "ynotssor"

In news:j9a9k3pbhkmgn9k185hfb9nnevhnld1pqq@4ax.com,
Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote:

>>>>>> Stay out of the path of the ooom-pah-pah.
>>>>> I think the tuba player has it in for me.
>>>> You'll be surprised to find it's a Sousaphone -- tubas are played
>>>> while sitting, and it took ol' J.P. to reconstruct it into a horn
>>>> that could be played in a marching band.
>>> How many marching bands waltz?
>>
>> At the DeutchesFest Parade, all of 'em.
>
> How drunk are they before they start the parade?

No more and no less than they are at any other time during the festivities,
I'll wager.

== 14 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:09 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

peachy ashie passion wrote:
>
>>>>I do have mirrors, you know.
>>>
>>>And you should thank Summer for them.
>>
>> Why? The ones she gives away are so tiny. I need full length
>> mirrors.
>
> dude! She's given you enough to make a full length mirror for the
> Jolly Green Giant!!

<and the crypt door is again creaked open>

== 15 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:10 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
> Do you think I'm rolling in super glue?

That's *not* a nice thing to say about your wife

== 16 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:24 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Greg Evans wrote:
> SummersFrenzy wrote:
>
>> Miss Elisabeth isn't worthy of your last? <raised eyebrow>
>> Dare ya to admit what/who is worthy
>
> I'll let you know as soon as I encounter a suitable candidate.

Wow . . . I really need to stop handing out mirrors

== 17 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:28 pm
From: peachy ashie passion

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:06:04 GMT, peachy ashie passion
> <exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>>>>>I figured California McDonalds has home delivery.
>>>>
>>>>No, not yet. That would be the answer to the majority
>>>>of my prayers, though.
>>>
>>>The rest no doubt having to do with a blind 20-year-old nymphomaniac in a
>>>bikini...
>>
>> I think you mean OUT of a bikini
>
>
> See, Greg, Peachy knows me better than you do.

Either that, or Greg thought you'd want to unwrap your present.

== 18 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:29 pm
From: peachy ashie passion

SummersFrenzy wrote:

> peachy ashie passion wrote:
>
>>>>>I do have mirrors, you know.
>>>>
>>>>And you should thank Summer for them.
>>>
>>>Why? The ones she gives away are so tiny. I need full length
>>>mirrors.
>>
>> dude! She's given you enough to make a full length mirror for the
>>Jolly Green Giant!!
>
>
> <and the crypt door is again creaked open>
>
>

Whut? I'm dead?

== 19 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:31 pm
From: peachy ashie passion

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:04:40 GMT, peachy ashie passion
> <exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>>>>>I do have mirrors, you know.
>>>>
>>>>And you should thank Summer for them.
>>>
>>>Why? The ones she gives away are so tiny. I need full length
>>>mirrors.
>>
>> dude! She's given you enough to make a full length mirror for the
>>Jolly Green Giant!!
>
>
> Do you think I'm rolling in super glue?

Well, thank you Mr. Mental Image Fairy!

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Scottish Dentist
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2816be6690c592af?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:30 pm
From: peachy ashie passion

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:17:04 GMT, peachy ashie passion
> <exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>>>>>>>> Ugh. My kid has been eating those. Cheese and mayo on raisin bread.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Kids will eat everything. They will grow up and develop tastebuds,
>>>>>>>eventually.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Until they do, they'll still want to go to McDonalds.
>>>>>
>>>>>It's an easy to read sign of immaturity.
>>>>
>>>> I know. I can't HELP being immature!
>>>
>>>Filet O Fish, my dear?
>>
>> ewww, gross. Combo number four, with cheese. Coke to drink. No
>>supersize.
>
>
> A double quarter pounder with cheese? No problem.

Nuh uh. Big n Tasty! You so don't know your McDonald's Menu!!

== 2 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:31 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Greg Evans wrote:
> SummersFrenzy wrote:
>
>>>> Which brings us back to Summer the plumber.
>>> Ehh, so she runs hot and cold.
>>
>> You want lukewarm, you gotta accept still water
>
> i.e. "stagnant"?

Something like that . . . which I'm not, so there ya go

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