25 new messages in 12 topics - digest

rec.humor
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Today's topics:

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Stats rec.humor (last 7 days)
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/1a999883c3a4e2ea?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 12:21 am
From: Tyrone Hallam

"Caveat: Quantity is not necessarily a measure of Quality"

Newsgroup.................: rec.humor
Stats Were Taken..........: Mon, 12 Nov 2007 08:15:34 GMT
Stats Begin...............: Mon, 05 Nov 2007 08:18:55 GMT
Stats End.................: Mon, 12 Nov 2007 06:40:10 GMT
Days......................: 7
Total No. of Articles.....: 843
Total No. of Characters...: 1403451
Total Volume..............: 1370
Messages Per Day..........: 120.4
Characters Per Day........: 200493.0
Average Daily Volume......: 195 kB
Total Posters This Week...: 38
Messages with Sigs........: 0.83%
Original Content Rating...: 33.89%

Top 10 Prolific Posters: Posts / Posts per Day / Percent Share
==============================================================
1. Larry Krzewinski..................................: 298 42.6 35.3%
2. Mosnot............................................: 205 29.3 24.3%
3. maelmill..........................................: 71 10.1 8.4%
4. Summersfrenzy.....................................: 69 9.9 8.2%
5. Greg Evans........................................: 65 9.3 7.7%
6. Ynotssor..........................................: 47 6.7 5.6%
7. Greg Evans........................................: 31 4.4 3.7%
8. Bill Colmers......................................: 6 0.9 0.7%
9. Sir F . A . Rien..................................: 6 0.9 0.7%
10. Mr. Mistery.......................................: 5 0.7 0.6%

Top 10 Bandwidth-Using Posters: kBytes / kBytes per Day / Percent Share
=======================================================================
1. Mosnot............................................: 448 64.1 32.7%
2. Larry Krzewinski..................................: 412 58.9 30.1%
3. Summersfrenzy.....................................: 103 14.8 7.6%
4. maelmill..........................................: 101 14.5 7.4%
5. Greg Evans........................................: 86 12.3 6.3%
6. Ynotssor..........................................: 69 9.9 5.0%
7. Greg Evans........................................: 38 5.6 2.8%
8. Sir F . A . Rien..................................: 12 1.8 0.9%
9. Peachy Ashie Passion..............................: 11 1.6 0.8%
10. Bill Colmers......................................: 9 1.4 0.7%

Top 10 Popular Threads: Posts / Posts per Day / Percent Share
=============================================================
1. Chinese food......................................: 323 46.1 38.3%
2. Scottish Dentist..................................: 208 29.7 24.7%
3. surrender.........................................: 78 11.1 9.3%
4. Stupid Mistake....................................: 71 10.1 8.4%
5. [OL] Nerds..... + NL..............................: 49 7.0 5.8%
6. Two days..........................................: 44 6.3 5.2%
7. Ancients predict USENET...........................: 10 1.4 1.2%
8. Parody Commercials (Adult Content)................: 10 1.4 1.2%
9. Going shopping....................................: 8 1.1 0.9%
10. Degrees of Blonde.................................: 6 0.9 0.7%

Top 10 Bandwidth-Consuming Threads: kBytes / kBytes per Day / Percent Share
===========================================================================
1. Chinese food......................................: 536 76.7 39.2%
2. Scottish Dentist..................................: 333 47.6 24.3%
3. surrender.........................................: 125 18.0 9.2%
4. Stupid Mistake....................................: 110 15.8 8.1%
5. [OL] Nerds..... + NL..............................: 83 11.9 6.1%
6. Two days..........................................: 69 10.0 5.1%
7. Ancients predict USENET...........................: 16 2.4 1.2%
8. Degrees of Blonde.................................: 13 1.9 1.0%
9. Parody Commercials (Adult Content)................: 13 1.9 1.0%
10. Going shopping....................................: 10 1.5 0.7%

Top 10 Original Content Ratings: (Original Bytes) / (Orig. + Quoted Bytes)
==========================================================================
1. Bill Colmers..............................................: 65.1%
2. Mr. Mistery...............................................: 60.3%
3. Greg Evans................................................: 43.4%
4. Ynotssor..................................................: 42.3%
5. Greg Evans................................................: 36.1%
6. Summersfrenzy.............................................: 34.6%
7. Mosnot....................................................: 32.5%
8. Larry Krzewinski..........................................: 28.9%
9. Sir F . A . Rien..........................................: 18.4%
10. maelmill..................................................: 14.0%

Top 10 Crossposting Groups: Posts in Group
==========================================
(Articles cross-posted to > 5 groups are not considered in ANY stats.)
1. alt.humor....................................................: 49
2. alt....edy...................................................: 25
3. alt....edy.standup...........................................: 25
4. alt.humor.puns...............................................: 21
5. alt.humor.dutch..............................................: 7
6. aus.jokes....................................................: 7
7. be.jokes.....................................................: 7
8. nl.humor.....................................................: 7
9. demon.local..................................................: 3
10. mn.humor.....................................................: 3

==========================
End of stats for rec.humor

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Two days
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/be16f8b4c2a63696?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 5 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 4:34 am
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Greg Evans wrote:
> SummersFrenzy wrote:
>
>>>> Ents are usually quite tall . . . but they're also
>>>> somewhat slow to move .. . I think tap dancing might
>>>> be out of their capacity
>>> I'd pay a dollar to see that!
>>
>> I thought NetFlix let you see that for less? Ah well,
>> another of my misconceptions bites it
>
> They don't seem to have any movies with tapdancing ents in it.
> I've looked.

<blinks> wow - you *really* need to work at getting a life

== 2 of 5 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 7:21 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:7cmfj3h0131jff2i68e64oiuiq4sgh967k@4ax.com...
> On Sun, 11 Nov 2007 21:29:33 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
>>>>>>> Be careful with your body parts. Somebody might have use of them
>>>>>>> later.
>>>>>>That would be him.
>>>>> Mos finally admits that I am somebody!
>>>>Him is not a name.
>>>
>>> But him me!
>>
>>Then who is you ?
>
> Me you, too.

Then, you're not him, now.

== 3 of 5 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 7:23 am
From: "MosNot"

"SummersFrenzy" <icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:13jgi5iq6dtq0e0@corp.supernews.com...
> Greg Evans wrote:
>> SummersFrenzy wrote:
>>
>>>>> Ents are usually quite tall . . . but they're also
>>>>> somewhat slow to move .. . I think tap dancing might
>>>>> be out of their capacity
>>>> I'd pay a dollar to see that!
>>>
>>> I thought NetFlix let you see that for less? Ah well,
>>> another of my misconceptions bites it
>>
>> They don't seem to have any movies with tapdancing ents in it.
>> I've looked.
>
> <blinks> wow - you *really* need to work at getting a life

....heh.....right....work..... Now if you said "you *really*
need to drink beer to get a life", he just might do it.

== 4 of 5 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 9:11 am
From: "Greg Evans"

MosNot wrote:

>> <blinks> wow - you *really* need to work at getting a life
>
> ....heh.....right....work..... Now if you said "you *really*
> need to drink beer to get a life", he just might do it.

But drinking beer isn't work.

== 5 of 5 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 9:32 am
From: "ynotssor"

In news:13jgi5iq6dtq0e0@corp.supernews.com,
SummersFrenzy <icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote:

>>> I thought NetFlix let you see that for less? Ah well,
>>> another of my misconceptions bites it
>>
>> They don't seem to have any movies with tapdancing ents in it.
>> I've looked.
>
> <blinks> wow - you *really* need to work at getting a life

Wanted: One professional tap-dance searcher-outer. Must be able to walk
*and* chew gum simultaneously while wearing wide-wale corduroy pants.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Chinese food
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2450e65bb085dfcf?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 7:17 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:gkmfj3tig1defn2v01dgss6s7vh6gk17da@4ax.com...
> On Sun, 11 Nov 2007 21:25:21 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
>>>>>>>>>>You am, I am not.
>>>>>>>>> Ok. I think, therefore what's your excuse?
>>>>>>>>Excuse ? Feh. I have reasons.
>>>>>>> Name 28 of them.
>>>>>>You still haven't caught on about
>>>>>>trying to tell me what to do, huh.
>>>>>>If I wanted to be told what to do,
>>>>>>I'd join the Army. Or get married.
>>>>> You couldn't even name one of them?
>>>>I could identify them in a line up.
>>> That's reason enough to forget about it.
>>About what ?
>
> It.

Forget it.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: surrender
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/c802089baaf3b7ea?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 7:17 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:9jmfj35sod5f2egei7d0r8blbufu2d0tvp@4ax.com...
> On Sun, 11 Nov 2007 21:26:00 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
> wrote:
>
>>>>>>> 1: KA-ching! Pay that setup fee, kid.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Are you sure you did the set up ?
>>>>>
>>>>> I can honestly say that you have me to thank for all the setup fees.
>>>>
>>>>Larry used "honestly".....hahahahahahahahahahaha
>>>
>>> KA-ching!
>>
>>Got ya to use your typical response
>>when you can't think of anything (semi) clever.
>
> You are sooooo easy.

And you're even yet so easier.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Scottish Dentist
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2816be6690c592af?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 3 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 7:18 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:vcmfj3llbj4rb0a01f7asin260hlm6ae09@4ax.com...
> On Sun, 11 Nov 2007 21:26:31 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
> wrote:
>
>>>>>>Since I eat what I like, it's *my* opinion of what tastes good that
>>>>>>matters.
>>>>> Not to me!
>>>>Your opinions don't matter.
>>>
>>> They do to me!
>>
>>Not even.
>
> <Larry ignores MoSnot> <g>

Finally !

== 2 of 3 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 7:18 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:lemfj3pss03qc50uqolgil5hpcr8v0epcf@4ax.com...
> On Sun, 11 Nov 2007 21:25:07 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
> wrote:
>
>>> <Larry gags at the thought>
>>
>>Really difficult for ya to think, huh.
>
> About Brussels sprouts, yes.

What brussel sprouts ?

== 3 of 3 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 7:21 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:rfmfj3lv3tem88sjndg0749r59heqbtkct@4ax.com...
> On Sun, 11 Nov 2007 21:27:00 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>

>>>>See why I say your opinions don't count.
>>> There's a reason that I don't number them, Mos.
>>Because one is the loneliest number.
>
> No, because they all fight to be number 1. I can't afford to show any
> favoritism.

So you don't care who you vote for.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Fatties
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/1685f288b7f3080e?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 3 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 8:37 am
From: "Harry"

A silly question, but if someone is really fat, and has a swollen arm, then
how do they know?

== 2 of 3 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 9:10 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Harry wrote:

> A silly question, but if someone is really fat, and has a
> swollen arm, then how do they know?

It's probably got a bruise shaped on your face on it, where they laid the
smackdown on you for asking such a dumbass question.

== 3 of 3 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 9:29 am
From: "ynotssor"

In news:Aj%Zi.236$R_4.220@newsb.telia.net,
Harry <oeieio@hotmail.com> wrote:

> A silly question, but if someone is really fat, and has a swollen
> arm, then how do they know?

"It's all in the wrist."

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Stupid Mistake
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/6d770b0b3fcbb8e8?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 9:11 am
From: "Greg Evans"

MosNot wrote:

>>>> You know what they call people who willingly give it
>>>> away for free...
>>> Happily single.
>> The answer I was looking for is "poor".
>
> You want to be happily poor ?

"Happy" will suffice.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: 12/12/12
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/d2964a4ab1a46e7c?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 9:51 am
From: Tim Bruening

61 months to 12/12/12.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: 11/12 Puns
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/01a6c3cb974d53e8?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 9:51 am
From: Tim Bruening

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On 24 May 2004 11:12:59 GMT, Dr Tormento <reply@togroup.com> found these
> unused words floating about:
>
> >"Chris Trask" <christrask@earthlink.net> wrote in
> >news:nJ1sc.7031$be.1112@newsread2.news.pas.earthlink.net:
> >
> >> If it rained in Bagdad for 40 days and 40 nights,
> >> it would become Soggy Arabia.
> >
> > Nobody likes a flood poster.
>
> ... but you tigres ...

Iran away.

Iran to Iraq and then back again.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: 11/12 Puns
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/e8fe862791e0af39?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 2 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 9:51 am
From: Tim Bruening

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On Mon, 24 May 2004 04:11:49 GMT, "Chris Trask" <christrask@earthlink.net>
> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >
> >"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> >news:40B0ACCE.5FEA5059@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >> To be franc, this is nonsense!
> >>
> >> Shall I pound this message further?
> >>
> >> Mark my words.
> >>
> >
> > I have to peso back and forth to think of something clever as I have a
> >yen to contribute to this thread. I'm a bit lira of running afoul of
> >anyone's sensitivities due to a monetary lapse of thoughtfulness.
> >
> But it was still centavo the internet!

Lets Buck the trend towards war!

Franc ly, I'm sick of Iraq!

Unshekel the Palestinians!

== 2 of 2 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 9:51 am
From: Tim Bruening

Marmoset wrote:

> Did you hear about the winner of the imitation butter contest?
>
> He won by a small margarine

Imitate: A copycat glove.

Emmit: A M-shaped glove.

Primitive: Low-tech glove.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: 12/11 Puns
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/8ea2919e97bd363d?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 5 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 9:51 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

> Dead rodent: Mouseover.

Dead sheep: No more RAM.

Dead Ursine: Unbearable.

== 2 of 5 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 9:51 am
From: Tim Bruening

Kathy wrote:

> "nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> news:4lCQb.113120$Es.53325@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > Dead rodent: Mouseover.
> >
> Dead chameleon: A hang while running the install lizard.

Dead lizard: No more color monitor.

Dead duck: No more download.

== 3 of 5 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 9:51 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41F0C951.6B693C8@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Kathy wrote:
> >
> > > "nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > > news:4lCQb.113120$Es.53325@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > > > Dead rodent: Mouseover.
> > > >
> > > Dead chameleon: A hang while running the install lizard.
> >
> > Dead lizard: No more color monitor.
> >
> > Dead duck: No more download.
>
> Dead DUKW: Stalled the D Day landings.

Watt R U tall king about? I seem to recall the D-Day landings
succeeding.

== 4 of 5 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 9:51 am
From: Tim Bruening

10 to the 9th power bulls: Laughing (Giga) bulls.

Aiming: Chinese vase #1.

Beaming: Chinese vase #2. Contains buzzing insects.

Beating, Beeping: Bells #2: Contains buzzing insects.

C-Ming: A vase that seems to have lots of salt water.

C-ding: Bell that sows seeds in the sea.

C-ping: Bell that leaks salt water.

C-ting: Musical chair in the ocean.

D-ming: Chinese vase #4.

E-ting: Hungry bell on the Internet.

J-Ping: Bell with an open jaw.

P-Ping: Bell #16, serves as a toilet.

T-Ming: Chinese vase #20, contains a stimulating beverage.

== 5 of 5 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 9:52 am
From: Tim Bruening

12 days since Halloween.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Noah
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/c3bbd2aa6780b356?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 12 2007 9:52 am
From: Tim Bruening

Noah got scratched by my cat yesterday.

==============================================================================

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Posted by NrSD, Senin, 12 November 2007 09.56

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