25 new messages in 10 topics - digest

rec.humor
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Today's topics:

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Thanksgiving Puns
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/286390d958bb5959?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 6 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 12:48 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:419EFF83.EA54EB1D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41265CE7.4140E97A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > mike wheeEler wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > In article <3FB4193B.977C1CCE@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>,
> > > > > > tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us, Tim Bruening was looking at the
> world
> > > oddly when:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >Eden: A home on the Internet.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > Purgetory: grid rid of those british polly ticks from your
> hardrive..
> > > > >
> > > > > Lucifer: Hair of the Devil.
> > > >
> > > > Helmet: Hat of the Devil
> > >
> > > Lucifer: Secret code you have to punch in to get the lavatory door to
> open.
> >
> > Aquifer: Watery hair.
> >
> > Cipher: Coded hair.
> >
> > Conifer: Hairy tree.
>
> Cipher on a conifer: Bark Code!

Staffer: Hair on a long stick.

Staffer: A hairy employee.

== 2 of 6 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 12:48 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

Heifer: Hair on a dairy cow.

Whiffer: Smelly hair.

== 3 of 6 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 12:48 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

Safer: Hair on a vault.

Tougher: Hardened hair.

== 4 of 6 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 12:48 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

Suffer: Hair in pain.

Surfer: Hairy knight.

Surfer: Hair that rides waves.

Surfer: Hair on the Internet.

== 5 of 6 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 12:48 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

Prefer: Before hair grows.

Puffer: Hair that blows up.

== 6 of 6 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 12:48 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

Differ: Hair that disagrees.

Duffer: Clumsy hair.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: 11/25 Puns
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/f0b76423b745f17a?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 3 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 12:49 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:419EFDE1.3D345F45@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Palema wrote:
> >
> > > "...Two weeks after the bustier bust, almost no one has come to the
> > > defense of Janet Jackson. I do so with a full heart. By baring a single
> > > breast in a slam-dunk publicity stunt of two seconds' duration, this
> > > singer also exposed just how many boobs we have in this country..."
> > > --Frank Rich, NY Times 2-15-04 [Read more at
> > > http://www.nytimes.com/2004/02/15/arts/15RICH.html - requires
> > > registration, but its free ]
> >
> > Janet: A website about the 1st month of the year.
>
> Mosquito Net: Website about foot complaints you can pick up in Moslem places
> of worship.

Mosquito Indians: Native American pests in Nicaragua.

== 2 of 3 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 12:49 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

Genet: Website about military leaders.

== 3 of 3 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 12:49 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

Hornet: Website about hookers.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: 11/25 Puns
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/da6a571d61861d9e?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 2 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 12:49 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:419EFD17.81A8D683@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:40307A11.7F65EBB8@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Comcast: Computerized actors.
> > > >
> > > > Steelcast: Robot actors such as The Terminator.
> > >
> > > Arnie playing a gardener: The Germinator.
> >
> > Also Arnold playing a doctor.
>
> Narr. A pathologist.
>
> Arnie as a mathematician: The Denominator.
> As a surveyor: The Declinator.
> As a manufacturer of laxatives: The Eliminator.
> As a pusher of LSD: The Hallucinator.
> When he's wandering about: The Peregrinator.
> As a hotel manager: Ruminator.

As a newspaperman: The Pressenator.

== 2 of 2 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 12:49 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:419EFCFB.9075708C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4024CFFB.4ECE0176@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Circuit: An electrical Knight.
> > > >
> > > > Circulation: A library or spinning Knight.
> > > >
> > > > Circus: A swearing Knight.
> > > >
> > > > Sirloin: Knight of Sex.
> > > >
> > > > Serpent: Snake Knight.
> > > >
> > > > Servant: Plumping Knight.
> > > >
> > > > Servile: Very Evil Knight.
> > > >
> > > > Surface: Knight of many disguises.
> > > >
> > > > Surmount: Very tall Knight.
> > > >
> > > > Surprise: A knight in charge of game shows.
> > > >
> > > > Surrender: The Knight of Destruction.
> > > >
> > > > Surrender: Knight of Meat Processing.
> > > >
> > > > Surround: Very fat Knight.
> > > >
> > > > Surgeon: An operating Knight.
> > > >
> > > > Surtax: Knight in charge of the IRS.
> > > >
> > > You forgot Sir Cumference. Doesn't matter now though. He's been on a
> diet!
> >
> > Circle: Round knight.
>
> Amuser: Knight employed as Court Jester.
>
> Braiser: Knight who rides a donkey instead of a horse.

Purser: Cat knight.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Thanksgiving Puns
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/19ff63def4b51005?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 12:49 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:419EFCC6.54322CF@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "The New Mr. Humor" wrote:
> >
> > > Humor fans,
> > >
> > > Let's cluck into another weekend with a brand new "Humor of the Great
> > > Composers"!!!
> > >
> > > Q: Why did the fisherman take a jar of tartar sauce to listen to a
> > > recording of the Quintet for Piano, Violin, Violoncello and Double Bass
> in
> > > A Major, Op. posth. 114, D. 667 by the great composer Franz Schubert?
> > >
> > > A: Because he heard there would be trout there!!!
> > >
> > > HH: trout. Trout. The Quintet for Piano, Violin, Violoncello and
> Double
> > > Bass in A Major, Op. posth. 114, D. 667 by the great composer Franz
> > > Schubert is known as "The Trout". Get it??? Ha Ha Ha!!!
> >
> > Quintet: 5th celebration of the Vietnamese New Year.
> >
> > Why would a trout be attracted by tartar sauce?
>
> Ask one.
>
> Would a coin collector be attracted by mint sauce?
> Would Bertie be attracted by Wooster sauce?

Wooster: Spinning sex?

==============================================================================
TOPIC: 11/25 Puns
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/abc9fc6e79372a5a?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 12:49 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:419EFCE6.D10E78F6@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4024A598.C9CE41B9@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Crossing: A musical religious symbol.
> > > >
> > > > Hissing: Song made by a snake.
> > > >
> > > > Icing: A frozen song.
> > > >
> > > > Massing: A heavy song.
> > > >
> > > > Missing: A girl who can't carry a tune.
> > > >
> > > > Musing: A singing cow or cat.
> > > >
> > > > Passing: A musical mountain path.
> > > >
> > > > Passing: Sung by cars as they pass each other.
> > > >
> > > > Rising: A song that makes you soar. Also levitating wheat.
> > > >
> > >
> > > Online yeast: e-leven.
> > >
> > > Abasing: Sound made by well-known Scanty Knavian pop group.
> > >
> > > Abasing: Ol' man river.
> > >
> > > Accusing: Buskers entertaing a line of people outside a theatre.
> > >
> > > Arousing: A loud argument in an opera.
> > >
> > > Brusing: Drunk who's had too much singing.
> > >
> > > Causing: Musical crow.
> > >
> > > Closing: Musical garments.
> > >
> > > Cursing: Musical dog.
> > >
> > > Cruising: A sea-shanty.
> > >
> > > Ceasing: Ditto.
> > >
> > > Easing: Mp3.
> > >
> > > Hosing: Musical prositiute.
> >
> > Icing: More Mp3.
>
> Icicle: Two wheeled, pedal powered vehicle with outrigger skids to stop it
> sliding over.

Sliding: A sneaky bell.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Christian group prays for troubled Hollywood Celebs--why?
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/e4ab34cd9400fc51?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 6:36 am
From: Mike Mordant

On Nov 20, 1:06 am, Tim Howard <tim.how...@suddenlink.net> wrote:
> Mike Mordant wrote:
> > On Nov 19, 12:51 am, Tim Howard <tim.how...@suddenlink.net> wrote:
> >>www.rawstory.com/news/mochila/Christian_group_prays_for_celebs_111520...
>
> >> Just to summarize the above story:
>
> >> A Christian group called the Hollywood Prayer Network, who according to
> >> the story, has over 5,000 members (why has this group of weirdos not
> >> gotten any attention before) has them pick a celeb to pray for.
> >> Troubled celebs like Brittany, Lindsay, Paris, etc. are the top prayer
> >> receivers. The group even claims one of their members met and gave a
> >> Bible to Paris Hilton recently, and they plan "to pass one on to Spears
> >> later this month." I guess they know her schedule. : )
>
> >> Why would they waste their time? According to the story, "Members of
> >> the network, which has chapters in 16 U.S. cities and eight countries,
> >> see Hollywood as the 21st century's largest mission field, a powerful
> >> industry that can be used to sow the seeds of an international cultural
> >> and religious revival." And if you are wondering if they really take
> >> themselves this seriously and think marginally talented self-centered
> >> Hollywood celebs are that important to everyone's lives, consider this
> >> quote from one member, Robert Johnston, a professor of theology and
> >> culture at Fuller Seminary in Pasadena...
> >> "The prayer network is the equivalent, and perhaps more important,
> >> than praying for our president," Johnston said. "Just as churches have
> >> traditionally prayed for leaders, now we recognize that one of our
> >> primary sources of leadership is the entertainment industry."
>
> >> I guess these silly religious celebfans have never read the parable of
> >> the sower. Don't sow your seeds on rocks or among weeds, sow them on
> >> fertile ground.
>
> > Why waste their time?
>
> > The True Christian type is impressed with wealth and celebrity. Any
> > of the folks they have targeted would make a great get. They would
> > then be used to recruit hundreds of thousands of equally
> > impressionable morons.
>
> I disagree. Even though people buy and watch tabloid entertainment
> stuff, I don't think they really care what Hilton, Ritche, Spears,
> Lohan, etc. think about anything as it is, so why would they listen to
> them talk about converting to Jesus? Hasn't Paris already said she got
> religion after just a few weeks in jail? Has their been a spike in
> conversions?

I am forced to come in contact with people everyday who idolize
people like Paris Hilton.
There are enough impressionable people so that Christians will hold
them up as proof of "the power of the gospel".

I've heard that type of Christian hold up Gary Busey as an example!

Of course it's not going to impress a thinking person such as you.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Chinese food
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2450e65bb085dfcf?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 4 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 7:17 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:4kj4k3d2s89f
u35j372a8kmt1fu18@4ax.com...
> On Mon, 19 Nov 2007 22:33:09 +0100, Elisabeth Mueller
> <maelmill@eunet.at> wrote:
>>>>Make up your mind.
>>>
>>>How do I powder it?
>>
>>carefully
>
> Ok, but the powder keeps filling up my ears.

If I was applying the powder to her, it'd fill up my nose.

== 2 of 4 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 7:18 am
From: "MosNot"

"Greg Evans" <gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote in message
news:5qf3hrFvgotsU1@mid.individual.net...
> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
>>>> Cool. I always did enjoy telling jokes when I ride bareback.
>>> With cool you mean the weather situation when riding bare?
>>
>> Not exactly. Body heat and strenuous exercise usually keeps
>> me warm.
>
> "Strenuous exercise", for Larry, means having to get up off the couch to
> get another beer from the fridge.

Sure it's not having to lift a filet o fish sammich to his mouth ?

== 3 of 4 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 9:53 am
From: "Greg Evans"

MosNot wrote:

>> "Strenuous exercise", for Larry, means having to get up off the
>> couch to get another beer from the fridge.
>
> Sure it's not having to lift a filet o fish sammich to his mouth ?

Shoot, that requires a major expedition - he has to actually *walk out
of his house* to get to his car, then drive it to McDonalds to get the
food!

== 4 of 4 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 9:52 am
From: "MosNot"

"Greg Evans" <fake@bogus.com> wrote in message
news:5qgl4aF10333eU1@mid.individual.net...
> MosNot wrote:
>
>>> "Strenuous exercise", for Larry, means having to get up off the
>>> couch to get another beer from the fridge.
>>
>> Sure it's not having to lift a filet o fish sammich to his mouth ?
>
> Shoot, that requires a major expedition - he has to actually *walk out of
> his house* to get to his car, then drive it to McDonalds to get the food!

I figured California McDonalds has home delivery.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: surrender
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/c802089baaf3b7ea?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 2 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 7:19 am
From: "MosNot"

"Greg Evans" <gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote in message
news:5qf31iFve5v2U1@mid.individual.net...
> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
>>>>> I volunteer Mos.
>>>> So this is how volunteering is done in California.
>>> Everything is easier when somebody else does it.
>>
>> Greg volunteers Mos too.
>
> Stop volunteering me to volunteer Mos.

But it's part of his "work smarter, not harder" plan.

== 2 of 2 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 9:54 am
From: "Greg Evans"

MosNot wrote:

>> Stop volunteering me to volunteer Mos.
>
> But it's part of his "work smarter, not harder" plan.

I've got a similar plan; mine involves not cooperating with Larry.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Scottish Dentist
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2816be6690c592af?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 4 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 7:20 am
From: "MosNot"

"Greg Evans" <gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote in message
news:5qf2m1Fumo67U1@mid.individual.net...
> MosNot wrote:
>
>>> Some people are the drippers and some are
>>> the drippees.
>>
>> There a setup fee if we refer to you as the
>> drippeest ?
> ^^^^^^^^^^^
> There's probably a setup fee if we refer to your spelling...

Always has been, always shall be.

== 2 of 4 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 7:25 am
From: "MosNot"

"SummersFrenzy" <icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:13k4sdtle8ffu31@corp.supernews.com...
> MosNot wrote:
>> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>>> SummersFrenzy wrote:
>>
>>>>Working . . . flirting outrageously . . . working . . . titillating
>>>>coworkers at the holiday party . . . working . . . finding cute guys to
>>>>torment . . . working . . . slept for a bit . . . did I mention I was
>>>>working?
>>>
>>> Yes, but exactly what is your job description?
>>
>> Putting up with lots of crap.
>
> That sounds like this place . . . work is much more - well - just less - I
> mean - ah, CRAP

It was the best way I could describe it,
not wanting to be totally polite about it.

== 3 of 4 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 7:26 am
From: "MosNot"

"SummersFrenzy" <icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:13k4romf87fef10@corp.supernews.com...

> so microwaved, pre-packaged is better . . . okie dokes

What ever floats your boat, Miss Dokes.

== 4 of 4 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 9:51 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Elisabeth Mueller wrote:

>>> Are there children in rh?
>> Do you mean in chronological age, or in terms of social
>> development and maturity?
>
> Of course I am asking about chronological age.
> About terms of social development and maturity I already
> know.

That's because you're a poop-head smartypants.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Stupid Mistake
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/6d770b0b3fcbb8e8?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Tues, Nov 20 2007 7:27 am
From: "MosNot"

"Greg Evans" <gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote in message
news:5qf29oFvab2aU1@mid.individual.net...
> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
>> I never blow! I hum.
>
> I am now officially Very Disturbed.

Then would that now make you Very Gladly Disturbed ?

==============================================================================

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Posted by NrSD, Selasa, 20 November 2007 09.54

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