rec.humor@googlegroups.com

Today's topics:

* 11/19 Puns - 4 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/e0e9a0848e8144f4?hl=en
* 19 November Puns - 3 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/497e4becbc9d64c8?hl=en
* The greatest men ever - 1 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/d5943dcdbeb70319?hl=en
* 19/11 Puns - 2 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/9b3b75079ec19926?hl=en
* November 19 Puns - 1 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/e7e4cf003a1f7b01?hl=en

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TOPIC: 11/19 Puns
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/e0e9a0848e8144f4?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 4 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 19 2007 11:13 pm
From: Tim Bruening

Michael Balarama wrote:
> "I was walking the streets of Los Angeles the other week and
> I saw this sign: 'This door is alarmed.' I said to myself:
> 'How do you think I feel?

I have seen rash doors at Kaiser.

== 2 of 4 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 19 2007 11:14 pm
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4189AF4E.467C0A8@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41870B1C.59BFC067@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > > So then, Larry Krzewinski turns to the guy and says:
> > > > >>>
> > > > >>>>>>>>>You mean 20 years old with hair and without Doreen? No
can
> do.
> > > > >>>>>>>>Doreen has hair. It's just not obvious with all the
curlers.
> > > > >>>>>>>For your sake I hope that you're talking about the hair
on her
> > > head!
> > > > >>>>>>Of course! Now, the curler iron, well that's a different
story.
> > > > >>>>>>I'll never let myself run out of Viagra again!
> > > > >>>>>Weren't you even a little curious when Doreen asked for
that
> > > vibrating
> > > > >>>>>curling iron for Christmas?
> > > > >>>>She told me it would improve her head.
> > > > >>>Orally?
> > > > >>O'Really!
> > > > >>(Her roommate Aura Lee was Irish)
> > > > >
> > > > >See, my post was supposed to taken as ambiguously as possible.
I
> > > > >guess that you can't win 'em all.
> > > >
> > > > Posting: After the bell.
> > > >
> > > > Posting: Mailed bell.
> > > >
> > > > Posting: Bell on the Internet.
> > > >
> > > > Watcher: Knight of security.
> > >
> > > Cross-post: Angry poison-pen letters.
> >
> > Piston: 2,000 pounds of urine.
> >
> Car Biretta: Worn by a priest when he's driving.

Carbon: Automotive pastry.

== 3 of 4 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 19 2007 11:14 pm
From: Tim Bruening

Jenni Saqua wrote:

> Did you see they brought back "America's Next Top Model"?
> They must be so confident we won't Tyra this show, they're taking it
to the
> Banks.

Will we Cindy?

Cindy: A female demon who violates the 10 Commandments.

== 4 of 4 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 19 2007 11:14 pm
From: Tim Bruening

Greg Evans wrote:

> J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > On Wed, 3 Nov 2004 06:30:51 -0500, "Frank A. Rosenbaum"
> >> "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" <tonworthyCLOTHES@SexMagnet.com> wrote
> >> in
> >>> Then "Frank A. Rosenbaum" says:
> >>>> "Greg Evans" <misterx@larkbooks.com> wrote in message
> >>>> news:2unehsF29b8ksU1@uni-berlin.de...
> >>>>> Frank A. Rosenbaum wrote:
> >>>>>> "nemo" <nemo@naughtylust.wet> wrote in message
> >>>>>>> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> >>>>
> >>>>>>>> Why did the man take a pencil to bed?
> >>>>>>>> To draw the curtains.
> >>>>>>> If he had though himself to actually be the curtains, he
> >>>>>>> should
> >>>>>>> have pulled himself together!
> >>>>>> He did, but he draped himself over the bed. By the way, the
> >>>>>> mans
> >>>>>> name is Rod.
> >>>>> Did it comforter him to do that, or was it a result of some sort
> >>>>> of ambi-valence about his purpose in life?
> >>>> Well, Sheet, Greg, Ya gotta ask Rod. I was blind when he did it.
> >>>> Don't forget to take your pill, Oh, also don't forget your
> >>>> inhaler
> >>>> either.
> >>> Do you two have a room? I'm hearing shades of a one nightstand.
> >> No, we don't. He wanted to roller in the hay, but I told him that I
> >> wasn't pulled that way.
> >
> > You prefer feathers ... ???
>
> Not sure I'm willing to take that thought any feather.... Call it a
> draw?

Pillow: Medicine on the ground.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: 19 November Puns
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/497e4becbc9d64c8?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 3 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 19 2007 11:14 pm
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4189AF28.A5DF64A6@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41870AE5.286DACFB@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:4039B5AF.C4754C4C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > Holo: A popular prostitute position.:)
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Hologram: A picture of same.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Hologram: Message from a low prostitute.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Hologram: Lighter than a Holopound.
> > > > >
> > > > > Holocopter: Rotary-wing aircraft with no-one inside.
> > > > >
> > > > > Holon a minute! There's no need to gush, Dan!!
> > > >
> > > > Boinking: King of sex.
> > > >
> > > > Conking: King of falling asleep.
> > > >
> > > > No Bell Prize: Awarded to a school whose bell didn't ring.
> > >
> > > Hologram: Same as a telegram, except it's read to you over the
phone
> with
> > > lots of reverberation and echo.
> > >
> > > Conker: Someone agreeing about a chestnut.
> >
> > Conker: Against dogs.
> >
> I'll let that one Rotweiller nother pun forms in my mind!

Curtest: Dog exam.

Curvet: Dog in the army.

== 2 of 3 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 19 2007 11:14 pm
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4189C800.32220B04@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41858BF8.E82C3747@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Exporting: Bells sents overseas.
> > > >
> > > > Importing: Bells brought into this country.
> > > >
> > > > Porting: A bell with little money.
> > > >
> > > > Porting: Opposite of Starboarding.
> > > >
> > > > Porting: To bring the bells to port.
> > > >
> > > > Reporting: To bring the bells to port again.
> > >
> > > <oyster alert!>
> > > Katsn dogs: Poor canines.
> >
> > Why do you want to alert shelled sea life?
> >
> Oyster: English - mollusc; Hebrew - treasure, and hence my
interpretation -
> someone accustomed to saying 'Oy' every so often.
>
> Katsn: Hebrew - beggar, hence poor canines.
>
> You should have got all that from the context.

Context: Letters writting by prisoners.

== 3 of 3 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 19 2007 11:14 pm
From: Tim Bruening

"Frank A. Rosenbaum" wrote:

> "nemo" <nemo@naughtylust.wet> wrote in message
> news:yS4id.22738$Bk6.2112@fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> >
> > Frank A. Rosenbaum <farosenbaum@charter.net> wrote in message
> > news:10ohg85d2s3qe9a@corp.supernews.com...
> >>
> >> "J. A. Mc." <jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >> news:0rifo09p0heapvueg595s5jg3jksr6fusm@4ax.com...
> >> > On Tue, 02 Nov 2004 08:39:29 -0600, Dr Tormento
<reply@togroup.com>
> > found
> >> > these unused words floating about:
> >> >
> >> >>"Michael Balarama" <mbalar@ev1.net> wrote in
> >> >>news:10of68i9sg3e80e@corp.supernews.com:
> >> >>
> >> >>> I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman
> >> >>> behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her
> >> >>> uniform.
> >> >>>
> >> >>> "I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you
> >> >>> supposed to be?" I asked.
> >> >>>
> >> >>> The waitress responded proudly, "I'm self-absorbed."
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >> Is this funny? Depends.
> >> >
> >> > Timmette has a Bounty of these ...
> >>
> >> Yeah, he's a real Brawny lad.
> >>
> > He's responsible for the dreaded yEnc too???
> >
>
> I had an Enc-ing feeling you would decode my message.

Decode: Secret demon.

Decold: Chilly demon.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: The greatest men ever
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/d5943dcdbeb70319?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 19 2007 11:14 pm
From: Tim Bruening

The 3 wise men? The 12 disciples?

==============================================================================
TOPIC: 19/11 Puns
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/9b3b75079ec19926?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 2 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 19 2007 11:14 pm
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41870106.19B6E338@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41822E72.BF1D3CEF@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > mike wheeEler wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > In article <3F8B9EAF.D1CC3A7B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>,
> > > > > > tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us, Tim Bruening was looking at
the
> world
> > > oddly when:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >Conversion: A variant of criminal.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > Conversion.. Air freshener ions emitted by old Converse
tennis
> shoes..
> > > > >
> > > > > Micro: Not your crow.
> > > >
> > > > Decibel: One tenth of a bell.
> > >
> > > That's right, except it's Bel, hence the abbrevaition dB.
> > >
> > > It could be one tenth of the Babylonian god of the earth but
that'd be
> too
> > > silly!
> > >
> > > Oh, I don't know though.
> >
> > Acidosis: Sister of an acid female deer.
> >
> > Armada: Father of a fleet of battle ships.
>
> Sir Francis Drake to Phillip II: Armada than you, sunshine!!

Mumble: Silent female bovines with kids.

Sentence: 10 pennies in jail.

== 2 of 2 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 19 2007 11:14 pm
From: Tim Bruening

Then "Mos" says:
>Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>> On 3 Nov 2004 00:36:15 -0600, "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I"
>> <tonworthyCLOTHES@SexMagnet.com> wrote:
>>
>>>>>>>> Alan, where have you been hiding? You haven't posted much
>>>>>>>> lately.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Living the life that I do have outside Usenet. You should look
>>>>>>> for one, too.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Don't mention your life outside of Usenet! Last time all the
>>>>>> rocking, howling and head-banging almost tipped the bus over!
>>>>>
>>>>> Yeah. I still have a headache from it.
>>>>
>>>> Be glad the bus was short. If it had been a long
>>>> bus, the bonk on the head would make the ache
>>>> last longer.
>>>
>>> Is that the long and the short of it? I mean about Larry?
>>
>> Hey, Mos is the one who thinks that he's Longfellow.
>
>I can supply about 30 witnesses.

For sex?:)

==============================================================================
TOPIC: November 19 Puns
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/e7e4cf003a1f7b01?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Mon, Nov 19 2007 11:14 pm
From: Tim Bruening

"Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" wrote:

> Then "Mos" says:
> >Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> >
> >>>>
> >>>> Hey, Mos is the one who thinks that he's Longfellow.
> >>>
> >>> I can supply about 30 witnesses.
> >>
> >> Shoe salesmen don't count.
> >
> >Then how do they know there are two shoes
> >in a box ?
>
> They keep winding it and see how many pop out?

How does a shoe pop?

Shooting: Musical footwear with a bang!

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