Joke[dot]Come: November 2007 »

25 new messages in 6 topics - digest

rec.humor
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor?hl=en

rec.humor@googlegroups.com

Today's topics:

* Scottish Dentist - 14 messages, 4 authors
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2816be6690c592af?hl=en
* Chinese food - 3 messages, 3 authors
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2450e65bb085dfcf?hl=en
* The greatest men ever - 1 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/d5943dcdbeb70319?hl=en
* The greatest man ever - 1 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/abc9fc6e79372a5a?hl=en
* Sex novels by instant download - 3 messages, 2 authors
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/72fd6a8158cbf98d?hl=en
* surrender - 3 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/c802089baaf3b7ea?hl=en

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Scottish Dentist
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2816be6690c592af?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 14 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:35 pm
From: peachy ashie passion

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 19:49:48 GMT, peachy ashie passion
> <exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>>>>>>>"No comment", Peachy thought. She would have said it out loud but for
>>>>>>>the ball gag that had been loving placed in her mouth. Her back
>>>>>>>arched in pain caused by the hot candle wax being dripped onto her...
>>>>>>
>>>>>> You know, it's actually not that painful. It's a lot like warm
>>>>>>water. Very soothing.
>>>>>
>>>>>God, I love true confessions!
>>>>
>>>> Yeah, you and I really gotta talk more.
>>>
>>>Quick! To the Bat Cave, er, Email Cave, Peachy Girl!
>>
>> Well gosh.
>
>
> My bat, your cave, 8 PM-ish?

You call it a bad? That's hilarious!

== 2 of 14 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:33 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

MosNot wrote:
>
>>> Ehh, so she runs hot and cold.
>>
>> You want lukewarm, you gotta accept still water
>
> Ehh, already got that, but thanks for the re-offer.

Re-offer? <puzzled> Whatever

== 3 of 14 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:37 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Bill Colmers wrote:
> "SummersFrenzy"
>
>> They work? That doesn't sound so yay. As for mutation, that's a bit
>> personal
>
> If the receptors did not work, you wouldn't be alive. Let me suggest you
> attend my Intensive Pharmacology for Forensic Accountants course,
> held in my office 8:00 pm to midnight. This course is offered as a
> service to r.h. regulars for a nominal fee!

Alive is a subjective term . . . and I dunnae think I could afford your
fee - but thank you

== 4 of 14 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:43 pm
From: "ynotssor"

In news:Lj21j.22998$9h.529@trnddc07,
peachy ashie passion <exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:

> You so don't know your McDonald's Menu!!

That's the nicest thing I've ever seen you say to anybody.

== 5 of 14 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:50 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Greg Evans wrote:
> Bill Colmers wrote:
>
>> Let me suggest you attend my Intensive Pharmacology for Forensic
>> Accountants course, held in my office 8:00 pm to midnight.
>
> Or just watch this video:
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElFL4CrDMIY

Hmmmm - I never realized Bill is such a showman

== 6 of 14 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:52 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Bill Colmers wrote:
> "SummersFrenzy"
>
>> You want lukewarm, you gotta accept still water
>
> I very much like the "runs deep" part.

Agreed . . . however, rapids ain't all that shallow

== 7 of 14 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 3:00 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> Bill Colmers wrote:
>
>>Best smoked meat (Montreal kosher pastrami) in the world!
>
> Maybe, but that's one hell of a long drive from southern California
> just to get a sandwich.

And a lovely drive it is, too

== 8 of 14 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 3:28 pm
From: "Bill Colmers"

"SummersFrenzy"

> Hmmmm - I never realized Bill is such a showman

My dear, it's all substance!

Allow me to demonstrate (in private, it's not for the great unwashed)

Bill

== 9 of 14 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 3:30 pm
From: "Bill Colmers"

"SummersFrenzy" <icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:13k9dnq3nk6tr1f@corp.supernews.com...
> Bill Colmers wrote:
>> "SummersFrenzy"
>>
>>> You want lukewarm, you gotta accept still water
>>
>> I very much like the "runs deep" part.
>
> Agreed . . . however, rapids ain't all that shallow

Depends on where they are, I guess. The deeper the channel, the greater the
cross sectional area, and the greater volume it will handle at a given
velocity

PDB

== 10 of 14 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 3:33 pm
From: "Bill Colmers"

"SummersFrenzy

> Alive is a subjective term . . . and I dunnae think I could afford your
> fee - but thank you

We have an E-Z payment plan here. Remember this is Canada, and higher
edumacation is highly-subsidized!

Bill

== 11 of 14 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 3:34 pm
From: "Bill Colmers"

"SummersFrenzy"

>>>Best smoked meat (Montreal kosher pastrami) in the world!
>>
>> Maybe, but that's one hell of a long drive from southern California
>> just to get a sandwich.
>
> And a lovely drive it is, too...

....and one hell of a sandwich!

Bill

== 12 of 14 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 4:28 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Bill Colmers wrote:
> "SummersFrenzy"
>
>> Hmmmm - I never realized Bill is such a showman
>
> My dear, it's all substance!
>
> Allow me to demonstrate (in private, it's not for the great unwashed)

== 13 of 14 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 4:30 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Bill Colmers wrote:
> "SummersFrenzy
>
>> Alive is a subjective term . . . and I dunnae think I could afford your
>> fee - but thank you
>
> We have an E-Z payment plan here. Remember this is Canada,
> and higher edumacation is highly-subsidized!

If I sneak across the border - in open view of the federales - do you think
I can still enroll without special foreigner status?

== 14 of 14 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 4:34 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Bill Colmers wrote:
> SummersFrenzy wrote:
>> Bill Colmers wrote:
>>> "SummersFrenzy"
>>>
>>>> You want lukewarm, you gotta accept still water
>>>
>>> I very much like the "runs deep" part.
>>
>> Agreed . . . however, rapids ain't all that shallow
>
> Depends on where they are, I guess. The deeper the channel,
> the greater the cross sectional area, and the greater volume it
> will handle at a given velocity

<ponders> that sounds an awful like the lead into a swirling vortex . . .

COOL - I'm there!

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Chinese food
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2450e65bb085dfcf?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:25 pm
From: "Bill Colmers"

"Larry Krzewinski" <

> Do you think I'm rolling in super glue?

...and feathers. Lots and lots of feathers.

Bill

Beats tar, don't it?!

== 2 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 4:26 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

peachy ashie passion wrote:
> SummersFrenzy wrote:
>> peachy ashie passion wrote:
>
>>> dude! She's given you enough to make a full length mirror for the
>>> Jolly Green Giant!!
>>
>> <and the crypt door is again creaked open>
>
> Whut? I'm dead?

Hardly . . . 'least not by my hand . . . just noting that you've released
the monster - again

== 3 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 4:33 pm
From: peachy ashie passion

SummersFrenzy wrote:

> peachy ashie passion wrote:
>
>>SummersFrenzy wrote:
>>
>>>peachy ashie passion wrote:
>>
>>>> dude! She's given you enough to make a full length mirror for the
>>>>Jolly Green Giant!!
>>>
>>><and the crypt door is again creaked open>
>>
>> Whut? I'm dead?
>
>
> Hardly . . . 'least not by my hand . . . just noting that you've released
> the monster - again
>
>

Ahh. Well, that'd be my mission in life.

Just call me Dr. Frankenstein.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: The greatest men ever
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/d5943dcdbeb70319?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:49 pm
From: Josh k

Tim Bruening wrote:
> The 3 wise men? The 12 disciples?
MR.T

==============================================================================
TOPIC: The greatest man ever
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/abc9fc6e79372a5a?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:50 pm
From: Josh k

Tim Bruening wrote:
> Buddha? Asoka (The Indian king who swore off war)? Bob Woodward? The
> soldier who blew the whistle on the Iraq prisoner abuse scandal?
Mr. T

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Sex novels by instant download
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/72fd6a8158cbf98d?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 3:10 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
> Summer's not only a plumber; she's undoubtedly a member of the
> Ambiguity R Us Club.

National Sarcasm Society, actually . . . ARU couldn't be bothered to
organize

== 2 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 4:33 pm
From: "MosNot"

"peachy ashie passion" <exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:8601j.3204$Mr.1687@trnddc04...
> MosNot wrote:
>
>> "SummersFrenzy" <icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>> news:13k8c13sqkrfbc3@corp.supernews.com...
>>
>>>Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>>>MosNot wrote:
>>>>>>>Only because once you do a good job,
>>>>>>>others expect you to do better.
>>>>>>When have I ever done a good job?
>>>>>We keep expecting that.
>>>>Me doing a good job, or me asking when have I done a good job?
>>><nod nod> precisely
>> Very close to my answer. ...oo, spooky...
>
> GMTA and all that.

Sometimes Summer and I have simliar thoughts, sometimes
Greg and I have similar thoughts, sometimes you and I have
similar thoughts.
Ever notice we never have similar thoughts to Larry.....

> peach
> ( Great Minds Think Alike)

...well, duh...

== 3 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 4:34 pm
From: "MosNot"

"SummersFrenzy" <icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:13k9eprkiai4p70@corp.supernews.com...
> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>>
>> Summer's not only a plumber; she's undoubtedly a member of the
>> Ambiguity R Us Club.
>
> National Sarcasm Society, actually . . . ARU couldn't be bothered to
> organize

I would have joined but didn't want to jeopardize
my standing with Procrastinator's.....
ehh, I'll finish later.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: surrender
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/c802089baaf3b7ea?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 4:35 pm
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:lk99k395g8majt0i3hs09k2ta7trfmf0ae@4ax.com...
> On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:30:09 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
> wrote:
>
>>>>>>> Nope. And my handwriting is terrible enough to begin with.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>And surely to end with.
>>>>>
>>>>> A period, usually.
>>>>
>>>>You properly used a comma !
>>>
>>> I also properly used a period and I don't hear you commenting on that.
>>> You are punctuation prejudiced. I'm gonna get the NAACP* after you.
>>>
>>> *National Association of Commas and Periods
>>
>>Me, punctuation prejudiced ?! You're moreso than I am.
>>You're the one that keeps omitting the commas, yet you
>>always use a period. Yeah, and you suffer from question
>>mark abuse. You use it often, yet rarely use an exclamation mark.
>>Turn yourself in for neglecting the minorities and always favouring the
>>majorities.
>
> Who me

Misspelt: Homie.

== 2 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 4:36 pm
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:ug99k3pim3h5q0fqo54c14n7lv3ed9o12a@4ax.com...
> On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 07:57:13 -0500, "Greg Evans"
> <gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:
>
>>>> Stop volunteering me to volunteer Mos.
>>>
>>> Return my Yugo and I'll consider it.
>>
>><gives Yugo a spirited shove>
>>Good thing you're closer to sea level than I am...
>
> You are such a dreamer. Do you really think that Yugo will coast up
> and over the Rocky Mountains?

Like I said, glad to be uphill from y'all.

== 3 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 4:37 pm
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:1n99k39a7h6cihqe9g3h44rvaplam9os1s@4ax.com...
> On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 07:59:59 -0500, "Greg Evans"
> <gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:
>
>>> Sorry, had to do it. My Bwahaha was expiring tomorrow.
>>
>>Sounds to me like it already has.
>
> I just got it. They had a fire sale at atj.

Big whoop. They always had plenty of lame flames.

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Posted by NrSD, Rabu, 21 November 2007 16.39 | 0 comments |

25 new messages in 3 topics - digest

rec.humor
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor?hl=en

rec.humor@googlegroups.com

Today's topics:

* surrender - 4 messages, 2 authors
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/c802089baaf3b7ea?hl=en
* Chinese food - 19 messages, 4 authors
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2450e65bb085dfcf?hl=en
* Scottish Dentist - 2 messages, 2 authors
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2816be6690c592af?hl=en

== 1 of 4 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:45 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 07:59:59 -0500, "Greg Evans"
<gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:

>> Sorry, had to do it. My Bwahaha was expiring tomorrow.
>
>Sounds to me like it already has.

I just got it. They had a fire sale at atj.

== 2 of 4 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:46 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 09:33:54 -0700, "Bill Colmers"
<sambomambo@nowhere.com> wrote:

>>>Starboard, now is that right or left? I always forget.
>>
>> The words port and left both have four letters and that's an easy way
>> to remember the difference between port and starboard.
>
>Starboard = Steuerbord, Port = Backbord
>
>Barnacle Bill der Matrose

I think perhaps you've had too much port.

== 3 of 4 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:10 pm
From: "ynotssor"

In news:6f99k35243fatb5tk9sv2g60aif7mrl1rn@4ax.com,
Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote:

>>> Ride? That Yugo is a collectable.
>>
>> As opposed to being usable transportation, yes.
>
> You can use it as transportation if it's being towed to your
> destination.

The trouble is the 2 other cars stacked on top of it.

== 4 of 4 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:13 pm
From: "ynotssor"

In news:jh87k3tknhrqcuunmlj6rlasmesa5del68@4ax.com,
Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote:

>> Starboard, now is that right or left? I always forget.
>
> The words port and left both have four letters and that's an easy way
> to remember the difference between port and starboard.

Also, port wine is red, as are the port lights on aircraft and boats.
Starboard wine is only served on St. Patrick's Day.

== 1 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:47 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:04:40 GMT, peachy ashie passion
<exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:

>>>>I do have mirrors, you know.
>>>
>>>And you should thank Summer for them.
>>
>> Why? The ones she gives away are so tiny. I need full length
>> mirrors.
>
> dude! She's given you enough to make a full length mirror for the
>Jolly Green Giant!!

Do you think I'm rolling in super glue?

== 2 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:49 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 03:06:06 -0700, "SummersFrenzy"
<icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote:

>>>> I do have mirrors, you know.
>>>
>>>Then quit asking for 'em!
>>
>> I'd like to go on record and state that I have never ever asked for a
>> mirror here in rec.humor. If you want to give them to me, then that's
>> your business.
>
>That's probably one of the sadder uses of Rule#1

There are no sad uses of Rule #1. Rule #1 is cause for rejoicing
throughout the land*.

*Not valid in Utah.

== 3 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:50 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 19:55:37 GMT, peachy ashie passion
<exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:

>> I do have mirrors, you know.
>
> We've certainly seen Summer give you enough of them!

Can I help it if she's generous towards me?

== 4 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:51 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:35:36 -0500, "Greg Evans"
<gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:

>>> I figured California McDonalds has home delivery.
>>
>> No, not yet. That would be the answer to the majority
>> of my prayers, though.
>
>The rest no doubt having to do with a blind 20-year-old nymphomaniac in a
>bikini...

She wouldn't need a bikini.

== 5 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:51 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:06:04 GMT, peachy ashie passion
<exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:

>>>>I figured California McDonalds has home delivery.
>>>
>>>No, not yet. That would be the answer to the majority
>>>of my prayers, though.
>>
>> The rest no doubt having to do with a blind 20-year-old nymphomaniac in a
>> bikini...
>
> I think you mean OUT of a bikini

See, Greg, Peachy knows me better than you do.

== 6 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:52 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:04:34 -0500, "Greg Evans"
<gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:

>>>>> "Strenuous exercise", for Larry, means having to get up
>>>>> off the couch to get another beer from the fridge.
>>>> Sure it's not having to lift a filet o fish sammich to his
>>>> mouth ?
>>> Shoot, that requires a major expedition - he has to actually
>>> *walk out of his house* to get to his car, then drive it to
>>> McDonalds to get the food!
>>
>> It ain't easy getting those keys in the ignition.
>
>Especially after all those beers.

No, after eating all those Filet O Fish sandwiches I can no longer fit
in my car.

== 7 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:53 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:02:13 -0500, "Greg Evans"
<gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:

>>> "Strenuous exercise", for Larry, means having to get up off
>>> the couch to get another beer from the fridge.
>>
>> I hate doing that! That was the primary reason I got married.
>
>"Get me a beer before it starts."

Exactly!

== 8 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:53 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:45:23 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
wrote:

>>>>>> There is no snow on my belly button!
>>>>>
>>>>> There is no lint on Mt. Baldy, either.
>>>>
>>>> HA! When was the last time you were on MT. Baldy?
>>>
>>>2-1/2 years ago, but some may have drifted in since.
>>
>> With our lack of snow here, they have been **lint skiing** on MT Baldy
>> ever since your last visit.
>
>....so, your belly button finally overflowed....

Not yet. It's getting close, though.

== 9 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:54 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:41:55 -0800, "ynotssor" <ynotssor@example.org>
wrote:

>>>>>> There is no snow on my belly button!
>>>>> There is no lint on Mt. Baldy, either.
>>>> HA! When was the last time you were on MT. Baldy?
>>>
>>> 2-1/2 years ago, but some may have drifted in since.
>>
>> With our lack of snow here, they have been lint skiing on MT Baldy
>> ever since your last visit.
>
>That's not lint, that's ash.

You can really haul ash on that lint!

== 10 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:54 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:06:54 -0500, "Greg Evans"
<gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:

>> How many marching bands waltz?
>
>Marching and waltzing don't mix, unless the marchers each have three legs.

Exactly! Besides, the bands would then be called dancing bands
instead of marching bands.

== 11 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:57 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:43:11 -0800, "ynotssor" <ynotssor@example.org>
wrote:

>>>>> Stay out of the path of the ooom-pah-pah.
>>>>
>>>> I think the tuba player has it in for me.
>>>
>>> You'll be surprised to find it's a Sousaphone -- tubas are played
>>> while sitting, and it took ol' J.P. to reconstruct it into a horn
>>> that could be played in a marching band.
>>
>> How many marching bands waltz?
>
>At the DeutchesFest Parade, all of 'em.

How drunk are they before they start the parade?

== 12 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:08 pm
From: "ynotssor"

In news:c7a9k3516c4ki8ksqiv9uorc32e8p5i5lk@4ax.com,
Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote:

>>>>>>> There is no snow on my belly button!
>>>>>> There is no lint on Mt. Baldy, either.
>>>>> HA! When was the last time you were on MT. Baldy?
>>>> 2-1/2 years ago, but some may have drifted in since.
>>> With our lack of snow here, they have been lint skiing on MT Baldy
>>> ever since your last visit.
>>
>> That's not lint, that's ash.
>
> You can really haul ash on that lint!

That was probably Sonny Bono's Cause of Death.

== 13 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:09 pm
From: "ynotssor"

In news:j9a9k3pbhkmgn9k185hfb9nnevhnld1pqq@4ax.com,
Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote:

>>>>>> Stay out of the path of the ooom-pah-pah.
>>>>> I think the tuba player has it in for me.
>>>> You'll be surprised to find it's a Sousaphone -- tubas are played
>>>> while sitting, and it took ol' J.P. to reconstruct it into a horn
>>>> that could be played in a marching band.
>>> How many marching bands waltz?
>>
>> At the DeutchesFest Parade, all of 'em.
>
> How drunk are they before they start the parade?

No more and no less than they are at any other time during the festivities,
I'll wager.

== 14 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:09 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

peachy ashie passion wrote:
>
>>>>I do have mirrors, you know.
>>>
>>>And you should thank Summer for them.
>>
>> Why? The ones she gives away are so tiny. I need full length
>> mirrors.
>
> dude! She's given you enough to make a full length mirror for the
> Jolly Green Giant!!

== 15 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:10 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
> Do you think I'm rolling in super glue?

That's *not* a nice thing to say about your wife

== 16 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:24 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Greg Evans wrote:
> SummersFrenzy wrote:
>
>> Miss Elisabeth isn't worthy of your last? <raised eyebrow>
>> Dare ya to admit what/who is worthy
>
> I'll let you know as soon as I encounter a suitable candidate.

Wow . . . I really need to stop handing out mirrors

== 17 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:28 pm
From: peachy ashie passion

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:06:04 GMT, peachy ashie passion
> <exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>>>>>I figured California McDonalds has home delivery.
>>>>
>>>>No, not yet. That would be the answer to the majority
>>>>of my prayers, though.
>>>
>>>The rest no doubt having to do with a blind 20-year-old nymphomaniac in a
>>>bikini...
>>
>> I think you mean OUT of a bikini
>
>
> See, Greg, Peachy knows me better than you do.

Either that, or Greg thought you'd want to unwrap your present.

== 18 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:29 pm
From: peachy ashie passion

SummersFrenzy wrote:

> peachy ashie passion wrote:
>
>>>>>I do have mirrors, you know.
>>>>
>>>>And you should thank Summer for them.
>>>
>>>Why? The ones she gives away are so tiny. I need full length
>>>mirrors.
>>
>> dude! She's given you enough to make a full length mirror for the
>>Jolly Green Giant!!
>
>
> <and the crypt door is again creaked open>
>
>

Whut? I'm dead?

== 19 of 19 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:31 pm
From: peachy ashie passion

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:04:40 GMT, peachy ashie passion
> <exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>>>>>I do have mirrors, you know.
>>>>
>>>>And you should thank Summer for them.
>>>
>>>Why? The ones she gives away are so tiny. I need full length
>>>mirrors.
>>
>> dude! She's given you enough to make a full length mirror for the
>>Jolly Green Giant!!
>
>
> Do you think I'm rolling in super glue?

Well, thank you Mr. Mental Image Fairy!

== 1 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:30 pm
From: peachy ashie passion

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:17:04 GMT, peachy ashie passion
> <exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>>>>>>>> Ugh. My kid has been eating those. Cheese and mayo on raisin bread.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Kids will eat everything. They will grow up and develop tastebuds,
>>>>>>>eventually.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Until they do, they'll still want to go to McDonalds.
>>>>>
>>>>>It's an easy to read sign of immaturity.
>>>>
>>>> I know. I can't HELP being immature!
>>>
>>>Filet O Fish, my dear?
>>
>> ewww, gross. Combo number four, with cheese. Coke to drink. No
>>supersize.
>
>
> A double quarter pounder with cheese? No problem.

Nuh uh. Big n Tasty! You so don't know your McDonald's Menu!!

== 2 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:31 pm
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Greg Evans wrote:
> SummersFrenzy wrote:
>
>>>> Which brings us back to Summer the plumber.
>>> Ehh, so she runs hot and cold.
>>
>> You want lukewarm, you gotta accept still water
>
> i.e. "stagnant"?

Something like that . . . which I'm not, so there ya go

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Posted by NrSD, 14.34 | 0 comments |

25 new messages in 8 topics - digest

rec.humor
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor?hl=en

rec.humor@googlegroups.com

Today's topics:

* The greatest man ever - 1 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/abc9fc6e79372a5a?hl=en
* Chinese food - 2 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2450e65bb085dfcf?hl=en
* surrender - 7 messages, 3 authors
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/c802089baaf3b7ea?hl=en
* Scottish Dentist - 9 messages, 2 authors
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2816be6690c592af?hl=en
* I usually don't plug websites, but... Lets Say Thanks - 2 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/bc539675a937ecf6?hl=en
* Sex novels by instant download - 1 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/72fd6a8158cbf98d?hl=en
* 12/12/12 - 1 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/d2964a4ab1a46e7c?hl=en
* Stupid Mistake - 2 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/6d770b0b3fcbb8e8?hl=en

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 12:02 pm
From: "Ralph"

I'd have to go with Red Skelton

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:47429D10.627D7C44@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> "The New Mr. Humor" wrote:
>
>> Humor fans,
>>
>> The New Mr. Humor will be taking a week off to enjoy the holiday season.
>> As a special holiday gift, here is an old "Humor of the Great Composers"
>> from years gone by!!!
>>
>> Q: Why was the composer of "The Garden of Fand" always the first one out
>> of
>> the parking lot?
>>
>> A: Because he always backs his car in!!!
>>
>> HH: Backs. Bax. The great composer Sir Arnold Edward Trevor Bax
>> (1883-1953)
>> wrote "The Garden of Fand". Get it??? Ha Ha Ha!!!
>
> Are you going to get a girl on her Bax?

== 1 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 12:04 pm
From: peachy ashie passion

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:30:21 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
> wrote:
>
>
>>>>>>>>This is boring. Do something more funny.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Cool. I always did enjoy telling jokes when I ride bareback.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>With cool you mean the weather situation when riding bare?
>>>>>
>>>>>He meant that him being naked is something to joke about.
>>>>
>>>>I didn't know he was aware of that.
>>>
>>>I do have mirrors, you know.
>>
>>And you should thank Summer for them.
>
>
> Why? The ones she gives away are so tiny. I need full length
> mirrors.

dude! She's given you enough to make a full length mirror for the
Jolly Green Giant!!

== 2 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 12:06 pm
From: peachy ashie passion

Greg Evans wrote:

> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
>
>>>I figured California McDonalds has home delivery.
>>
>>No, not yet. That would be the answer to the majority
>>of my prayers, though.
>
>
> The rest no doubt having to do with a blind 20-year-old nymphomaniac in a
> bikini...
>
>

I think you mean OUT of a bikini

== 1 of 7 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 12:07 pm
From: "Greg Evans"

peachy ashie passion wrote:

>>>> Johnsons don't lie - they're proud, standup characters!
>>> That's certainly been my experience with them. That is, until
>>> I get through with them.
>> They're probably sad that you're going to leave them alone.
>
> Once I'm done with them, they are beaten.

Not even one last hug goodbye?

== 2 of 7 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 12:08 pm
From: "Greg Evans"

MosNot wrote:

>>>>>>>> I thought it was "Second star to the right, and straight
>>>>>>>> on 'til morning"?
>>>>>>> You will never, never find the secret entry that way.
>>>>>> You've Hooked me with your description.
>>>>> The fun of this conversation is petering out.
>>>> It's just wendyng its way through the usual plot twists and
>>>> turns.
>>> Some people might get lost, boys.
>> Quit tinkering with this thimble before you lose your marbles
>
> Then I'd be a shadow of my former self.

That excuse will never fly.

== 3 of 7 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 12:16 pm
From: peachy ashie passion

Greg Evans wrote:

> peachy ashie passion wrote:
>
>
>>>>>Johnsons don't lie - they're proud, standup characters!
>>>>
>>>> That's certainly been my experience with them. That is, until
>>>>I get through with them.
>>>
>>>They're probably sad that you're going to leave them alone.
>>
>> Once I'm done with them, they are beaten.
>
>
> Not even one last hug goodbye?
>
>
Maybe one last kiss.

== 4 of 7 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:41 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 07:58:34 -0500, "Greg Evans"
<gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:

>> Ride? That Yugo is a collectable.
>
>As opposed to being usable transportation, yes.

You can use it as transportation if it's being towed to your
destination.

== 5 of 7 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:42 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 07:57:13 -0500, "Greg Evans"
<gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:

>>> Stop volunteering me to volunteer Mos.
>>
>> Return my Yugo and I'll consider it.
>
><gives Yugo a spirited shove>
>Good thing you're closer to sea level than I am...

You are such a dreamer. Do you really think that Yugo will coast up
and over the Rocky Mountains?

== 6 of 7 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:43 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:47:56 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
wrote:

>>> Some of us are glad to live uphill from y'all.
>>
>> And we all wish you'd quit pissing in the creek.
>
>Wishing is as effective as Larry's votes on things here.

I vote not to read any more of Mos's replies.

== 7 of 7 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:44 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:30:09 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
wrote:

>>>>>> Nope. And my handwriting is terrible enough to begin with.
>>>>>
>>>>>And surely to end with.
>>>>
>>>> A period, usually.
>>>
>>>You properly used a comma !
>>
>> I also properly used a period and I don't hear you commenting on that.
>> You are punctuation prejudiced. I'm gonna get the NAACP* after you.
>>
>> *National Association of Commas and Periods
>
>Me, punctuation prejudiced ?! You're moreso than I am.
>You're the one that keeps omitting the commas, yet you
>always use a period. Yeah, and you suffer from question
>mark abuse. You use it often, yet rarely use an exclamation mark.
>Turn yourself in for neglecting the minorities and always favouring the
>majorities.

Who me

== 1 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 12:17 pm
From: peachy ashie passion

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> On Mon, 19 Nov 2007 21:37:15 GMT, peachy ashie passion
> <exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>>>>>> Ugh. My kid has been eating those. Cheese and mayo on raisin bread.
>>>>>
>>>>>Kids will eat everything. They will grow up and develop tastebuds,
>>>>>eventually.
>>>>
>>>>Until they do, they'll still want to go to McDonalds.
>>>
>>>It's an easy to read sign of immaturity.
>>
>> I know. I can't HELP being immature!
>
>
> Filet O Fish, my dear?

ewww, gross. Combo number four, with cheese. Coke to drink. No
supersize.

== 2 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:31 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 09:31:05 -0700, "Bill Colmers"
<sambomambo@nowhere.com> wrote:

>>>> I'm not the one eatin' at fast food joints of any nature . . .
>>>
>>> Not even Schlotzsky's or Quiznos ?.
>
>Try http://tinyurl.com/e7j5l
>
>Best smoked meat (Montreal kosher pastrami) in the world!

Maybe, but that's one hell of a long drive from southern California
just to get a sandwich.

== 3 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:32 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:17:04 GMT, peachy ashie passion
<exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:

>>>>>>> Ugh. My kid has been eating those. Cheese and mayo on raisin bread.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Kids will eat everything. They will grow up and develop tastebuds,
>>>>>>eventually.
>>>>>
>>>>>Until they do, they'll still want to go to McDonalds.
>>>>
>>>>It's an easy to read sign of immaturity.
>>>
>>> I know. I can't HELP being immature!
>>
>> Filet O Fish, my dear?
>
> ewww, gross. Combo number four, with cheese. Coke to drink. No
>supersize.

A double quarter pounder with cheese? No problem.

== 4 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:33 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:35:52 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
wrote:

>> Pink Lady.
>
>You never dated outside your own ethnic group, huh.

Pink Lady is the sweetest variety of apple.

== 5 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:34 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:22:00 -0500, "Greg Evans"
<gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:

>>> ... Possum Junction, but that
>>> doesn't really qualify as human life there.
>>
>> That's what I've been trying to tell you guys all along!
>
>So you admit to deliberately mounting a libel-and-slander campaign?

No. I believe in truth in advertising.

== 6 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:35 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 09:20:36 -0700, "Bill Colmers"
<sambomambo@nowhere.com> wrote:

>> They work? That doesn't sound so yay. As for mutation, that's a bit
>> personal
>
>If the receptors did not work, you wouldn't be alive. Let me suggest you
>attend my Intensive Pharmacology for Forensic Accountants course, held in my
>office 8:00 pm to midnight. This course is offered as a service to r.h.
>regulars for a nominal fee!

Watch out, Summer! He's going to ask you to repaint the Butter
Dome!!!

== 7 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:39 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 11:35:25 -0500, "Greg Evans" <fake@bogus.com>
wrote:

>> Let me suggest you attend my Intensive Pharmacology for Forensic
>> Accountants course, held in my office 8:00 pm to midnight.
>
>Or just watch this video:
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElFL4CrDMIY

That was great!

== 8 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:40 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 19:49:48 GMT, peachy ashie passion
<exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:

>>>>>>"No comment", Peachy thought. She would have said it out loud but for
>>>>>>the ball gag that had been loving placed in her mouth. Her back
>>>>>>arched in pain caused by the hot candle wax being dripped onto her...
>>>>>
>>>>> You know, it's actually not that painful. It's a lot like warm
>>>>>water. Very soothing.
>>>>
>>>>God, I love true confessions!
>>>
>>> Yeah, you and I really gotta talk more.
>>
>> Quick! To the Bat Cave, er, Email Cave, Peachy Girl!
>
> Well gosh.

My bat, your cave, 8 PM-ish?

== 9 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:40 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 10:49:25 -0500, "Greg Evans" <fake@bogus.com>
wrote:

>>>>>> Oh, so you're never gonna specify the sexy women in r.h.
>>>>> Never gonna happen.
>>>> Coward.
>>> Maybe. Maybe I'm a smart enough coward not to pick and choose.
>>
>> Oh, too dumb to be diplomatic.
>
>Or too tired to be inclusive.

I choose Greg's answer.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: I usually don't plug websites, but... Lets Say Thanks
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/bc539675a937ecf6?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:21 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:29:16 -0500, "Greg Evans"
<gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:

>> Paisley doesn't really go with my eyes.
>
>So what does go with "jaundiced and bloodshot", then?

Yellow fever?

== 2 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:23 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:33:40 -0500, "Greg Evans"
<gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:

>> If our troops think that I'm wearing a burqa they have
>> got another thing coming.
>
>A burqa would look better on you than that muu-muu...

No, it wouldn't. There is no such thing as a strapless burka.

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:26 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 03:08:28 -0700, "SummersFrenzy"
<icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote:

>>>>>Only because once you do a good job,
>>>>>others expect you to do better.
>>>>
>>>> When have I ever done a good job?
>>>
>>>We keep expecting that.
>>
>> Me doing a good job, or me asking when have I done a good job?
>
><nod nod> precisely

Summer's not only a plumber; she's undoubtedly a member of the
Ambiguity R Us Club.

Larry
I'm not just the president, I'm a member.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: 12/12/12
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/d2964a4ab1a46e7c?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:27 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:21:17 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
wrote:

>> I know! The number you posted was for the Department of Homeland
>> Security. Do you know they have absolutely no sense of humor? I am
>> never faxing them another Xerox of my butt again!
>
>DH ? Oh, so close, yet so far. And yes, we do have a sense
>of humour, only we thought the photo was of your face.

It did have that clean shaven look.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Stupid Mistake
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/6d770b0b3fcbb8e8?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:28 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:34:01 -0500, "Greg Evans"
<gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote:

>>> I am now officially Very Disturbed.
>>
>> You were very disturbed before I even wrote that.
>
>Now it's official.

According to your psychiatric file, it was official 15 years ago.

== 2 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:30 pm
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Wed, 21 Nov 2007 10:36:40 -0500, "Greg Evans" <fake@bogus.com>
wrote:

>>> Now it's official.
>>
>> What ?! Before Larry votes on it ?
>
>Most specifically before Larry tries to vote on it.

I second the motion and also vote yea. The motion is carried and now
it's official.

I also vote to kick Mos out of the club.

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Posted by NrSD, 13.46 | 0 comments |

25 new messages in 6 topics - digest

rec.humor
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor?hl=en

rec.humor@googlegroups.com

Today's topics:

* Stupid Mistake - 1 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/6d770b0b3fcbb8e8?hl=en
* Scottish Dentist - 12 messages, 4 authors
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2816be6690c592af?hl=en
* Chinese food - 6 messages, 3 authors
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/2450e65bb085dfcf?hl=en
* surrender - 3 messages, 3 authors
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/c802089baaf3b7ea?hl=en
* ATJ.. Completely destroyed - 2 messages, 2 authors
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/3f2805ea1da0a7e1?hl=en
* Sex novels by instant download - 1 messages, 1 author
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/72fd6a8158cbf98d?hl=en

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:36 am
From: "Greg Evans"

MosNot wrote:

>> Now it's official.
>
> What ?! Before Larry votes on it ?

Most specifically before Larry tries to vote on it.

== 1 of 12 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:34 am
From: "MosNot"

"SummersFrenzy" <icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:13k7fekd0tbah25@corp.supernews.com...
> MosNot wrote:
>> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>>
>>> Which brings us back to Summer the plumber.
>>
>> Ehh, so she runs hot and cold.
>
> You want lukewarm, you gotta accept still water

Ehh, already got that, but thanks for the re-offer.

== 2 of 12 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:35 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message

> Pink Lady.

You never dated outside your own ethnic group, huh.

== 3 of 12 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:36 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:olt7k35nbrmq3vmrnvm1o4u07bgdc7mtn7@4ax.com...
> On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:36:29 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
> wrote:
>
>>>>> Never gonna happen.
>>>>
>>>>Oh, so you're never gonna specify the sexy women in r.h.
>>>
>>> Never gonna happen.
>>
>>Coward.
>
> Maybe. Maybe I'm a smart enough coward not to pick and choose.

Oh, too dumb to be diplomatic.

== 4 of 12 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:49 am
From: "Greg Evans"

MosNot wrote:

>>>>> Oh, so you're never gonna specify the sexy women in r.h.
>>>> Never gonna happen.
>>> Coward.
>> Maybe. Maybe I'm a smart enough coward not to pick and choose.
>
> Oh, too dumb to be diplomatic.

Or too tired to be inclusive.

== 5 of 12 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 8:18 am
From: "Bill Colmers"

"SummersFrenzy" <

>> Sorta kinda:
>> http://tinyurl.com/37jo6a
>
> Awww . . . Cute !!

Thought you'd like 'em. mind you, there were some less attractive members of
the Class that I decided would not elicit that endearing reaction from you.

PDB

== 6 of 12 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 8:20 am
From: "Bill Colmers"

"SummersFrenzy"

> They work? That doesn't sound so yay. As for mutation, that's a bit
> personal

If the receptors did not work, you wouldn't be alive. Let me suggest you
attend my Intensive Pharmacology for Forensic Accountants course, held in my
office 8:00 pm to midnight. This course is offered as a service to r.h.
regulars for a nominal fee!

Prof. Dr. Bill

== 7 of 12 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 8:21 am
From: "Bill Colmers"

"SummersFrenzy"

> You want lukewarm, you gotta accept still water

I very much like the "runs deep" part.

Bill

== 8 of 12 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 8:35 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Bill Colmers wrote:

> Let me suggest you attend my Intensive Pharmacology for Forensic
> Accountants course, held in my office 8:00 pm to midnight.

Or just watch this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElFL4CrDMIY

== 9 of 12 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 8:31 am
From: "Bill Colmers"

"SummersFrenzy" <

>>> I'm not the one eatin' at fast food joints of any nature . . .
>>
>> Not even Schlotzsky's or Quiznos ?.

Try http://tinyurl.com/e7j5l

Best smoked meat (Montreal kosher pastrami) in the world!

== 10 of 12 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 10:55 am
From: "Bill Colmers"

"Greg Evans" <

> Or just watch this video:
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElFL4CrDMIY

That was brilliant! Sadly, I know far too many of the players!

== 11 of 12 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 11:00 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Bill Colmers wrote:

> That was brilliant! Sadly, I know far too many of the players!

Why you gotta be a playah hatah?

== 12 of 12 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 11:49 am
From: peachy ashie passion

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 17:03:55 GMT, peachy ashie passion
> <exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>>>>>"No comment", Peachy thought. She would have said it out loud but for
>>>>>the ball gag that had been loving placed in her mouth. Her back
>>>>>arched in pain caused by the hot candle wax being dripped onto her...
>>>>
>>>> You know, it's actually not that painful. It's a lot like warm
>>>>water. Very soothing.
>>>
>>>God, I love true confessions!
>>
>> Yeah, you and I really gotta talk more.
>
>
> Quick! To the Bat Cave, er, Email Cave, Peachy Girl!

Well gosh.

== 1 of 6 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:39 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:dut7k31kaoqi0iu2of6d20g413bgt7ijln@4ax.com...
> On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:30:21 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
> wrote:
>
>>>>>>>>This is boring. Do something more funny.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Cool. I always did enjoy telling jokes when I ride bareback.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> With cool you mean the weather situation when riding bare?
>>>>>
>>>>>He meant that him being naked is something to joke about.
>>>>
>>>>I didn't know he was aware of that.
>>>
>>> I do have mirrors, you know.
>>
>>And you should thank Summer for them.
>
> Why? The ones she gives away are so tiny. I need full width
> mirrors.

Whatever works.

== 2 of 6 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:40 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:h1u7k35qu3d8uueh4vbgor1i4f4f8sog46@4ax.com...
> On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:31:27 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
> wrote:
>
>>>>>>>>This is boring. Do something more funny.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>Cool. I always did enjoy telling jokes when I ride bareback.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>With cool you mean the weather situation when riding bare?
>>>>>
>>>>> Not exactly. Body heat and strenuous exercise usually keeps me warm.
>>>>
>>>>He means his fat body puts out a lot of heat when he types.
>>>
>>> So what if I have warm fingers?
>>
>>Then take off your mittens.
>
> One cannot type with mittens on, Mos. Or, one could, but it would
> look like this:
>
> hhkjkhjodA FEWIcdanc a,mlqadjnqwfrJO]Vwmc
> ,MS

No, it would not.

== 3 of 6 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:45 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:c9u7k391ds4ifefbh58iccjcm1g92mmh8c@4ax.com...
> On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 22:39:24 -0800, "ynotssor" <ynotssor@example.org>
> wrote:
>
>>>>> There is no snow on my belly button!
>>>>
>>>> There is no lint on Mt. Baldy, either.
>>>
>>> HA! When was the last time you were on MT. Baldy?
>>
>>2-1/2 years ago, but some may have drifted in since.
>
> With our lack of snow here, they have been **lint skiing** on MT Baldy
> ever since your last visit.

....so, your belly button finally overflowed....

== 4 of 6 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 8:41 am
From: "ynotssor"

In news:c9u7k391ds4ifefbh58iccjcm1g92mmh8c@4ax.com,
Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote:

>>>>> There is no snow on my belly button!
>>>> There is no lint on Mt. Baldy, either.
>>> HA! When was the last time you were on MT. Baldy?
>>
>> 2-1/2 years ago, but some may have drifted in since.
>
> With our lack of snow here, they have been lint skiing on MT Baldy
> ever since your last visit.

That's not lint, that's ash.

== 5 of 6 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 8:43 am
From: "ynotssor"

In news:0cu7k3tt82n72hna3aa4h8i80evfraorvt@4ax.com,
Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote:

>>>> Stay out of the path of the ooom-pah-pah.
>>>
>>> I think the tuba player has it in for me.
>>
>> You'll be surprised to find it's a Sousaphone -- tubas are played
>> while sitting, and it took ol' J.P. to reconstruct it into a horn
>> that could be played in a marching band.
>
> How many marching bands waltz?

At the DeutchesFest Parade, all of 'em.

== 6 of 6 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 11:55 am
From: peachy ashie passion

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 22:36:28 +0100, Elisabeth Mueller
> <maelmill@eunet.at> wrote:
>
>
>>>>>>This is boring. Do something more funny.
>>>>>
>>>>>Cool. I always did enjoy telling jokes when I ride bareback.
>>>>
>>>>With cool you mean the weather situation when riding bare?
>>>
>>>He meant that him being naked is something to joke about.
>>
>>I didn't know he was aware of that.
>
>
> I do have mirrors, you know.

We've certainly seen Summer give you enough of them!

== 1 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:47 am
From: "MosNot"

"Greg Evans" <fake@bogus.com> wrote in message
news:5qj1edF106c8sU1@mid.individual.net...
> MosNot wrote:
>
>> Some of us are glad to live uphill from y'all.
>
> And we all wish you'd quit pissing in the creek.

Wishing is as effective as Larry's votes on things here.

== 2 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 8:33 am
From: "Bill Colmers"

"Larry Krzewinski" <

>>Starboard, now is that right or left? I always forget.
>
> The words port and left both have four letters and that's an easy way
> to remember the difference between port and starboard.

Starboard = Steuerbord, Port = Backbord

Barnacle Bill der Matrose

== 3 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 11:53 am
From: peachy ashie passion

Greg Evans wrote:

> peachy ashie passion wrote:
>
>
>>>Johnsons don't lie - they're proud, standup characters!
>>
>> That's certainly been my experience with them. That is, until
>>I get through with them.
>
>
> They're probably sad that you're going to leave them alone.
>
>

Once I'm done with them, they are beaten.

==============================================================================
TOPIC: ATJ.. Completely destroyed
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/3f2805ea1da0a7e1?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 11:52 am
From: peachy ashie passion

Rumplestiltskin wrote:

> On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 21:44:32 GMT, peachy ashie passion
> <exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>>Rumplestiltskin wrote:
>>
>>>On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 18:42:20 GMT, peachy ashie passion
>>><exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>>MÐ wrote:
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>Last post 11/16/07
>>>>>
>>>>>Poster: Max Destroyer
>>>>>
>>>>>Status of group: finito
>>>>>
>>>>>Time to lay waste to every last (non-rh) poster: 6 years 3 months
>>>>>
>>>>><turning out lights>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> You must be pleased as punch.
>>>>
>>>>Of course you do know one of them will turn up in a few months and
>>>>post again, right?
>>>>
>>>
>>>He's so proud of himself he built a porch over his dick.
>>>
>>
>> Hi Rumple babe! Haven't seen you in ages!
>
>
> I bin bizzy.
>

Well, git bizzy around here already, MD is calling the group kilt!

== 2 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 12:02 pm
From: "Greg Evans"

peachy ashie passion wrote:

> MD is calling the group kilt!

He's just trying to skirt the issue.

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 11:59 am
From: peachy ashie passion

MosNot wrote:

> "SummersFrenzy" <icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:13k8c13sqkrfbc3@corp.supernews.com...
>
>>Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>>MosNot wrote:
>>
>>>>>>Only because once you do a good job,
>>>>>>others expect you to do better.
>>>>>
>>>>>When have I ever done a good job?
>>>>
>>>>We keep expecting that.
>>>
>>>Me doing a good job, or me asking when have I done a good job?
>>
>><nod nod> precisely
>
>
> Very close to my answer. ...oo, spooky...
>
>

GMTA and all that.

peach
( Great Minds Think Alike)

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Posted by NrSD, 12.02 | 0 comments |

25 new messages in 8 topics - digest

rec.humor
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor?hl=en

rec.humor@googlegroups.com

Today's topics:

== 1 of 5 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 4:59 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> Sorry, had to do it. My Bwahaha was expiring tomorrow.

Sounds to me like it already has.

== 2 of 5 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:24 am
From: "MosNot"

"SummersFrenzy" <icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:13k7fn1aj5cdhdd@corp.supernews.com...
> MosNot wrote:
>> Greg Evans wrote"
>>
>>>>>>> I thought it was "Second star to the right, and straight
>>>>>>> on 'til morning"?
>>>>>> You will never, never find the secret entry that way.
>>>>> You've Hooked me with your description.
>>>>
>>>> The fun of this conversation is petering out.
>>>
>>> It's just wendyng its way through the usual plot twists and turns.
>>
>> Some people might get lost, boys.
>
> Quit tinkering with this thimble before you lose your marbles

Then I'd be a shadow of my former self.

== 3 of 5 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:30 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:1ot7k3hnhv9gcjehpqu6br777h6il3loi1@4ax.com...
> On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:33:36 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
> wrote:
>
>>>>> Nope. And my handwriting is terrible enough to begin with.
>>>>
>>>>And surely to end with.
>>>
>>> A period, usually.
>>
>>You properly used a comma !
>
> I also properly used a period and I don't hear you commenting on that.
> You are punctuation prejudiced. I'm gonna get the NAACP* after you.
>
> *National Association of Commas and Periods

Me, punctuation prejudiced ?! You're moreso than I am.
You're the one that keeps omitting the commas, yet you
always use a period. Yeah, and you suffer from question
mark abuse. You use it often, yet rarely use an exclamation mark.
Turn yourself in for neglecting the minorities and always favouring the
majorities.

== 4 of 5 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:31 am
From: "MosNot"

"Greg Evans" <gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote in message
news:5qio9cF109jmnU1@mid.individual.net...
> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
>>> Stop volunteering me to volunteer Mos.
>>
>> Return my Yugo and I'll consider it.
>
> <gives Yugo a spirited shove>
> Good thing you're closer to sea level than I am...
>

Some of us are glad to live uphill from y'all.

== 5 of 5 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:35 am
From: "Greg Evans"

MosNot wrote:

> Some of us are glad to live uphill from y'all.

And we all wish you'd quit pissing in the creek.

== 1 of 6 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 5:02 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

>> "Strenuous exercise", for Larry, means having to get up off
>> the couch to get another beer from the fridge.
>
> I hate doing that! That was the primary reason I got married.

"Get me a beer before it starts."

== 2 of 6 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 5:04 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

>>>> "Strenuous exercise", for Larry, means having to get up
>>>> off the couch to get another beer from the fridge.
>>> Sure it's not having to lift a filet o fish sammich to his
>>> mouth ?
>> Shoot, that requires a major expedition - he has to actually
>> *walk out of his house* to get to his car, then drive it to
>> McDonalds to get the food!
>
> It ain't easy getting those keys in the ignition.

Especially after all those beers.

== 3 of 6 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 5:06 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> How many marching bands waltz?

Marching and waltzing don't mix, unless the marchers each have three legs.

== 4 of 6 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:06 am
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
>>> I do have mirrors, you know.
>>
>>Then quit asking for 'em!
>
> I'd like to go on record and state that I have never ever asked for a
> mirror here in rec.humor. If you want to give them to me, then that's
> your business.

That's probably one of the sadder uses of Rule#1

== 5 of 6 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 5:35 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

>> I figured California McDonalds has home delivery.
>
> No, not yet. That would be the answer to the majority
> of my prayers, though.

The rest no doubt having to do with a blind 20-year-old nymphomaniac in a
bikini...

== 6 of 6 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 5:36 am
From: "Greg Evans"

SummersFrenzy wrote:

>> Discretion is the better part of valor. Or, why would I want
>> this particular adventure to be my last?
>
> Miss Elisabeth isn't worthy of your last? <raised eyebrow>
> Dare ya to admit what/who is worthy

I'll let you know as soon as I encounter a suitable candidate.

== 1 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 2:08 am
From: "SummersFrenzy"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:
MosNot wrote:
>
>>>>Only because once you do a good job,
>>>>others expect you to do better.
>>>
>>> When have I ever done a good job?
>>
>>We keep expecting that.
>
> Me doing a good job, or me asking when have I done a good job?

<nod nod> precisely

== 2 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:22 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:bbt7k31n43doi32aqia4gthqn88pjunjat@4ax.com...
> On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:27:14 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
> wrote:
>
>>>>>>>>> Some folks obviously have absolutely no reading comprehension
>>>>>>>>> skills
>>>>>>>>> at all.
>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>SRPOTW !!
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Not even close. Nice try, though.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Oh, my bad. It should have been SRPOTY.
>>>>>
>>>>> You obviously underestimate my skills. It should have been the SRPOTD
>>>>> award.
>>>>
>>>>Only because once you do a good job,
>>>>others expect you to do better.
>>>
>>> When have I ever done a good job?
>>
>>We keep expecting that.
>
> Me doing a good job, or me asking when have I done a good job?

Yes, exactly.

== 3 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:22 am
From: "MosNot"

"SummersFrenzy" <icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:13k8c13sqkrfbc3@corp.supernews.com...
> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> MosNot wrote:
>>
>>>>>Only because once you do a good job,
>>>>>others expect you to do better.
>>>>
>>>> When have I ever done a good job?
>>>
>>>We keep expecting that.
>>
>> Me doing a good job, or me asking when have I done a good job?
>
> <nod nod> precisely

Very close to my answer. ...oo, spooky...

== 1 of 5 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 5:23 am
From: "Greg Evans"

SummersFrenzy wrote:

>>> Which brings us back to Summer the plumber.
>> Ehh, so she runs hot and cold.
>
> You want lukewarm, you gotta accept still water

i.e. "stagnant"?

== 2 of 5 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 5:22 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

>> ... Possum Junction, but that
>> doesn't really qualify as human life there.
>
> That's what I've been trying to tell you guys all along!

So you admit to deliberately mounting a libel-and-slander campaign?

== 3 of 5 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 5:27 am
From: "Greg Evans"

SummersFrenzy wrote:

>> Fast food joints rarely have much to do with nature.
>
> Good point . . . last time I went to one, they took offense
> at my request for au natural attire

I don't blame them. I wouldn't go near one of those deep fryers without a
layer or two of protection!

== 4 of 5 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 5:27 am
From: "Greg Evans"

MosNot wrote:

>> Fast food joints rarely have much to do with nature.
>
> I dunno about that since there's often large herds in there.

LOL! Good point.

== 5 of 5 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:33 am
From: "MosNot"

"SummersFrenzy" <icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:13k7f3321chi018@corp.supernews.com...
> MosNot wrote:
>> SummersFrenzy wrote:
>>
>>> I'm not the one eatin' at fast food joints of any nature . . .
>>
>> Not even Schlotzsky's or Quiznos ?.
>
> ....... Quiznos don't have drive-thru's . . ........

<sigh> Everybody's always in a bloody hurry.

== 1 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 5:29 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> Paisley doesn't really go with my eyes.

So what does go with "jaundiced and bloodshot", then?

== 2 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 5:33 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> If our troops think that I'm wearing a burqa they have
> got another thing coming.

A burqa would look better on you than that muu-muu...

== 1 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 5:34 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

>> I am now officially Very Disturbed.
>
> You were very disturbed before I even wrote that.

Now it's official.

== 2 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:18 am
From: "MosNot"

"Greg Evans" <gregevansREMOVE@charterBLATHER.net> wrote in message
news:5qiqecF10ehveU1@mid.individual.net...
> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
>>> I am now officially Very Disturbed.
>>
>> You were very disturbed before I even wrote that.
>
> Now it's official.

What ?! Before Larry votes on it ?

==============================================================================
TOPIC: Video: Cannibal Joke - Get It? (a little animation test)
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/fb619a3cb25d8bd2?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 6:31 am
From: William Miller

x-no-archive: yes

Cannibal Joke - Get It?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=neUI-PrhhwU

(a little animation test)

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 7:21 am
From: "MosNot"

"Larry Krzewinski" <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:2dt7k3tq04vr7lb5gj8k8njvjv0qec0i28@4ax.com...
> On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:26:46 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
> wrote:
>
>>>>>>>>> You're the one who thinks he's a "nice guy".
>>>>>>>>Rule #1 !
>>>>>>> It's in the archives, Mos. You actually said you liked him quite a
>>>>>>> number of times. Don't make me post your quotes here.
>>>>>>Wasn't me. If you want to prove it,
>>>>>>post the quotes including the conversation.
>>>>> Including your IP address?
>>>>Why not ? I already posted my fax number.
>>>
>>> That wasn't your fax number.
>>
>>I have to admit, "that" is not my fax number.
>
> I know! The number you posted was for the Department of Homeland
> Security. Do you know they have absolutely no sense of humor? I am
> never faxing them another Xerox of my butt again!

DH ? Oh, so close, yet so far. And yes, we do have a sense
of humour, only we thought the photo was of your face.

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Posted by NrSD, 07.34 | 0 comments |

24 new messages in 10 topics - digest

rec.humor
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor?hl=en

rec.humor@googlegroups.com

Today's topics:

==============================================================================
TOPIC: 21 July Puns
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/634e4110ac156512?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 12:20 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44C1D0DD.159F622D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:40C62AA8.1C13F75D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Cliff Gieseke <cliffgie@swbell.net> wrote in message
> > > > > news:mTQwc.4607$bg6.2319@newssvr23.news.prodigy.com...
> > > > > > Infantry -- baby tree
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Geometry -- the tree they used to build the pyramids
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Poultry -- the tree that has or had feathers
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > Infantry - Baby soldiers.
> > > > >
> > > > > Adultry - What they get up to when they've grown up.
> > > > >
> > > > > Mechanised Light Infantry: Robot baby soldiers.
> > > >
> > > > I hope they don't suffer a Major Defeat, or General Disorder.
> > > >
> > > Or receive Corporal Punishment to the Private Parts!
> >
> > Sergeant Pepper is nothing to be sneezed at.
> >
> > Drill Sergeant: Officer in the tool army.
>
> Randy Drill Sergeant training ghosts:
>
> "Lay Fright Lay Fright Lay Fright Lay Fright Lay Fright Lay Fright Lay
> Fright . . . "

2 Lays for $1!!!!!

==============================================================================
TOPIC: 21/7 Puns
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/b426065195a2e62b?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 12:24 am
From: Tim Bruening

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44C15B94.6E6B8877@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > Timmy <tsbrueni@dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:1105332418.416989.137170@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
> > >
> > > Advising: Helpful song.
> > >
> > > Advertising: Commercial song.
> > >
> > > Amazing: One singing corn field.
> > >
> > > Bemusing: Singing bee.
> > >
> > > Crossing: A musical religious symbol.
> > >
> > > Hissing: Song made by a snake.
> > >
> > > Icing: A frozen song.
> > >
> > > Massing: A heavy song.
> > >
> > > Missing: A girl who can't carry a tune.
> > >
> > > Musing: A singing cow or cat or poet.
> > >
> > > Passing: A musical mountain path.
> > >
> > > Passing: Sung by cars as they pass each other.
> > > Rising: A song that makes you soar.
> > >
> > > Rising: Singing grain.
> > >
> > A rye definition.
> >
> > Riser: Grain dog.
>
> Quite common on the island of Barley.

Bar Lee: Korean alcohol vendor?

==============================================================================
TOPIC: The Amish Farmer
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.humor/browse_thread/thread/5c51162c2a180bd8?hl=en
==============================================================================

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 12:43 am
From: Ivan Awfulitch

An Amish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his
pond.
The farmer shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht.die kuhen haben dahin
gesheissen".
Which means: "Don't drink the water; the cows have shit in it".
The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in
English.".
The Amish farmer says: "Use two hands; you'll get more".

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:07 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 21:36:28 -0800, "ynotssor" <ynotssor@example.org>
wrote:

>> If our troops think that I'm wearing a burqa they have got another
>> thing coming.
>
>You mean, the fact that it's paisley?

Paisley doesn't really go with my eyes.

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:08 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:27:14 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
wrote:

>>>>>>>> Some folks obviously have absolutely no reading comprehension skills
>>>>>>>> at all.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>SRPOTW !!
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Not even close. Nice try, though.
>>>>>
>>>>>Oh, my bad. It should have been SRPOTY.
>>>>
>>>> You obviously underestimate my skills. It should have been the SRPOTD
>>>> award.
>>>
>>>Only because once you do a good job,
>>>others expect you to do better.
>>
>> When have I ever done a good job?
>
>We keep expecting that.

Me doing a good job, or me asking when have I done a good job?

== 1 of 1 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:09 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:26:46 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
wrote:

>>>>>>>> You're the one who thinks he's a "nice guy".
>>>>>>>Rule #1 !
>>>>>> It's in the archives, Mos. You actually said you liked him quite a
>>>>>> number of times. Don't make me post your quotes here.
>>>>>Wasn't me. If you want to prove it,
>>>>>post the quotes including the conversation.
>>>> Including your IP address?
>>>Why not ? I already posted my fax number.
>>
>> That wasn't your fax number.
>
>I have to admit, "that" is not my fax number.

I know! The number you posted was for the Department of Homeland
Security. Do you know they have absolutely no sense of humor? I am
never faxing them another Xerox of my butt again!

== 1 of 4 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:10 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:34:31 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
wrote:

>>>>>> I don't believe you.
>>>>>Since we can't believe anything you say,
>>>>>you then do believe I'm not Mos.
>>>>
>>>> Then I don't believe me.
>>>
>>>Can't say I blame you.
>>
>> But I do blame me. How about them apples?
>
>Winesap or Granny Smith ?

Pink Lady.

== 2 of 4 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:11 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 19:27:26 -0800, "ynotssor" <ynotssor@example.org>
wrote:

>>> Incidentally, "The Ego Drops" is the name of my new band.
>>
>> That explains why each of their instruments is tuned differently, at
>> least.
>
>I didn't know kazoos could be tuned.

The Ego Drops keep dropping their kazoos and it dents the heck out of
them.

== 3 of 4 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:12 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 22:08:31 -0700, "SummersFrenzy"
<icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote:

>> Which brings us back to Summer the plumber.
>
><raised eyebrow>

How much would you charge to clean my pipes? <g>

== 4 of 4 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:14 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:36:29 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
wrote:

>>>> Never gonna happen.
>>>
>>>Oh, so you're never gonna specify the sexy women in r.h.
>>
>> Never gonna happen.
>
>Coward.

Maybe. Maybe I'm a smart enough coward not to pick and choose.

== 1 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:16 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:33:36 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
wrote:

>>>> Nope. And my handwriting is terrible enough to begin with.
>>>
>>>And surely to end with.
>>
>> A period, usually.
>
>You properly used a comma !

I also properly used a period and I don't hear you commenting on that.
You are punctuation prejudiced. I'm gonna get the NAACP* after you.

*National Association of Commas and Periods

== 2 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 4:57 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

>> Stop volunteering me to volunteer Mos.
>
> Return my Yugo and I'll consider it.

<gives Yugo a spirited shove>
Good thing you're closer to sea level than I am...

== 3 of 3 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 4:58 am
From: "Greg Evans"

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> Ride? That Yugo is a collectable.

As opposed to being usable transportation, yes.

== 1 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:17 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 21:58:49 -0700, "SummersFrenzy"
<icediamond_desire@hotmail.com> wrote:

>> I do have mirrors, you know.
>
>Then quit asking for 'em!

I'd like to go on record and state that I have never ever asked for a
mirror here in rec.humor. If you want to give them to me, then that's
your business.

== 2 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:18 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:30:21 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
wrote:

>>>>>>>This is boring. Do something more funny.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Cool. I always did enjoy telling jokes when I ride bareback.
>>>>>
>>>>> With cool you mean the weather situation when riding bare?
>>>>
>>>>He meant that him being naked is something to joke about.
>>>
>>>I didn't know he was aware of that.
>>
>> I do have mirrors, you know.
>
>And you should thank Summer for them.

Why? The ones she gives away are so tiny. I need full length
mirrors.

== 3 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:19 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 21:44:25 -0800, "ynotssor" <ynotssor@example.org>
wrote:

>>> Only in south California.
>>
>> Come for the sunshine. Stay for the lifestyle.
>
>You call *that* a lifestyle?

Yep.

== 4 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:19 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:31:04 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
wrote:

>>>Only in south California.
>>
>> Come for the sunshine. Stay for the lifestyle.
>
>..."airhead"....

No way, man! I'm a surfer dewd!

== 5 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:21 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:31:27 -0700, "MosNot" <StillNot@YourHouse>
wrote:

>>>>>>>This is boring. Do something more funny.
>>>>>>
>>>>>>Cool. I always did enjoy telling jokes when I ride bareback.
>>>>>
>>>>>With cool you mean the weather situation when riding bare?
>>>>
>>>> Not exactly. Body heat and strenuous exercise usually keeps me warm.
>>>
>>>He means his fat body puts out a lot of heat when he types.
>>
>> So what if I have warm fingers?
>
>Then take off your mittens.

One cannot type with mittens on, Mos. Or, one could, but it would
look like this:

hhkjkhjodA FEWIcdanc a,mlqadjnqwfrJO]Vwmc
,MS

== 6 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:23 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 22:37:07 -0800, "ynotssor" <ynotssor@example.org>
wrote:

>>> Shoot, that requires a major expedition - he has to actually *walk
>>> out of his house* to get to his car, then drive it to McDonalds to
>>> get the food!
>>
>> It ain't easy getting those keys in the ignition.
>
>I was recently at the scene of witnessing such an attempt when I was 18
>years old sometime in the last century. I lived in a simple apartment above
>a tavern and worked nights at a grocery store, so I had some nights off
>which I spent on the road bicycling with two friends. Those were the days,
>as they say.
>
>It was about 1:30 in the morning when we returned from a 25-mile-or-so
>adventure to find an middle-aged man had exited the tavern and was stabbing
>his key into his car door, trying to find the lock while stumbling about on
>and off the curb. We suggested to him that it would be better to call a cab
>since he was obviously very drunk and shouldn't be driving, and he responded
>by offering us his wallet for some reason, which of course we declined,
>stating that we'd rather have his keys which we'd leave inside with the
>bartender who would call the taxi.
>
>He seemed antagonized by this and grabbed the below-shoulder-length hair of
>one of my companions and started twirling him about. My friend's arm was in
>a plaster cast from above the elbow, so he had limited ability to defend
>himself from such an attack. I told the guy "LET GO OF HIM! ... LET GO OF
>HIM OR I'M GONNA HIT YOU! ... OK, I'M GONNA HIT YOU ... " and delivered a
>single solid punch-through directly on the point of his chin. Of course he
>went down and stayed down, unconscious as such a delivery always guarantees.
>
>In those pre-"911" days when one could do such a thing, I went upstairs to
>my apartment and made an anonymous 'phone call to the police stating what
>had happened, and pretty soon the coloured lights were flashing outside, and
>things evolved as they should. The next day I went into the tavern and
>(playing dumb) asked the bartender what all the commotion was outside early
>in the morning. "Oh, a few punks tried to rob Harvey. Everybody knows he
>always carries a thousand bucks in his wallet, but he fought 'em off, the
>bastards!"
>
>I like to think that maybe we saved a few lives that night and added one
>more true story to the cheap-heroics collection.

See, Mos!

== 7 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:23 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 21:45:37 -0800, "ynotssor" <ynotssor@example.org>
wrote:

>>> "Strenuous exercise", for Larry, means having to get up off the
>>> couch to get another beer from the fridge.
>>
>> I hate doing that! That was the primary reason I got married.
>
>To get a couch and refrigerator?

Yes. Mom made me get up and get my own beer.

== 8 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:24 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 22:39:24 -0800, "ynotssor" <ynotssor@example.org>
wrote:

>>>> There is no snow on my belly button!
>>>
>>> There is no lint on Mt. Baldy, either.
>>
>> HA! When was the last time you were on MT. Baldy?
>
>2-1/2 years ago, but some may have drifted in since.

With our lack of snow here, they have been lint skiing on MT Baldy
ever since your last visit.

== 9 of 9 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:27 am
From: Larry Krzewinski

On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 22:42:45 -0800, "ynotssor" <ynotssor@example.org>
wrote:

>>>>> What shocking dance it was: any stranger could hold a lady firmly
>>>>> pressed to his body in plain sight.
>>>> That isn't shocking as long as you take the correct steps.
>>>
>>> Stay out of the path of the ooom-pah-pah.
>>
>> I think the tuba player has it in for me.
>
>You'll be surprised to find it's a Sousaphone -- tubas are played while
>sitting, and it took ol' J.P. to reconstruct it into a horn that could be
>played in a marching band.

How many marching bands waltz?

== 1 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 1:43 am
From: Rumplestiltskin

On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 21:44:32 GMT, peachy ashie passion
<exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:

>Rumplestiltskin wrote:
>> On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 18:42:20 GMT, peachy ashie passion
>> <exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:
>>
>>
>>>MÐ wrote:
>>>
>>>
>>>>Last post 11/16/07
>>>>
>>>>Poster: Max Destroyer
>>>>
>>>>Status of group: finito
>>>>
>>>>Time to lay waste to every last (non-rh) poster: 6 years 3 months
>>>>
>>>><turning out lights>
>>>
>>>
>>> You must be pleased as punch.
>>>
>>> Of course you do know one of them will turn up in a few months and
>>>post again, right?
>>>
>>
>> He's so proud of himself he built a porch over his dick.
>>
>
> Hi Rumple babe! Haven't seen you in ages!

I bin bizzy.

--
Rumplestiltskin is my name, and humpin' wimmen is my game.

== 2 of 2 ==
Date: Wed, Nov 21 2007 3:18 am
From: Rumplestiltskin

On Mon, 19 Nov 2007 13:33:17 GMT, MÐ <"mÃÐMÁ×¹"@ÅsSrEmOvEr.çøm> wrote:

>On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 16:40:56 -0500, Rumplestiltskin wrote:
>
>> On Sun, 18 Nov 2007 18:42:20 GMT, peachy ashie passion
>> <exquisitepeach@hotmail.com> wrote:
>>
>>>MÐ wrote:
>>>
>>>> Last post 11/16/07
>>>>
>>>> Poster: Max Destroyer
>>>>
>>>> Status of group: finito
>>>>
>>>> Time to lay waste to every last (non-rh) poster: 6 years 3 months
>>>>
>>>> <turning out lights>
>>>
>>>
>>> You must be pleased as punch.
>>>
>>> Of course you do know one of them will turn up in a few months and
>>>post again, right?
>>>
>> He's so proud of himself he built a porch over his dick.
>
>lack of denial as to ATJ's demise noted
>
>good guess ..I'm having a jacuzzi installed next week

You're having a sex change?

--
Rumplestiltskin is my name, and humpin' wimmen is my game.

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